Friday, November 9, 2012

Honoring Vets

When something keeps "coming up" in my mind, I think there is a reason. Sometimes it's Satan tempting me to say the wrong thing! I need to be careful about that! But sometimes it's God "tempting" me to do the right thing- share something encouraging...It says in the Bible to "Spur one another on to love and good works" Hebrews 10:24

I think I will always remember this incident when I go to vote. So I thought of it on Tuesday. There aren't any other times I had to wait to vote- none that I remember anyways! I didn't wait in line this year either!

Decorating for the Veterans Day luncheon at Byron Middle School yesterday and today, also made me think about what happened when I went to vote in the last Presidential Election:

From my journal Tuesday, November 4, 2008:
I’ve been to vote! There happened to be two men with “Vietnam Vet” caps behind me. So I let them and their wife’s go in front of me and I thanked them for their service to our country. The couple right behind me was white and the couple behind them were African-American. They had the exact same cap on and the man directly behind me started up a conversation with the other man behind him, that’s how I noticed him also. The first man seemed stunned by what I did and when we got into the building after getting our yellow cards, he turned to me and said, “Can I thank-you?” he looked so sad in his eyes, I thought I saw tears and I said, “You’re welcome.” It was such a small thing for me to do, but I was so glad I did it!

Thank-you (Election Day 2008)

I was standing there waiting,
Like everyone else
Exercising my freedom,
He stood behind me
his wife by his side,
With a far away sadness in his eyes,
His cap said "Vietnam Vet"
There was a time he wouldn't wear it, I bet...
He noticed the dark skinned man behind,
His cap was the exact same kind!
Brothers, they were friends instantly,
They'd been through the same war and insanity!
I decided to offer a kind gesture of "Thanks"
Go ahead of me,
Both of you,
I'm exercising my freedom that was bought for me,
I didn't have to pay,
I got it for free,
You paid it for me!
It was such a small thing
It was nothing at all
The man was astonished,
Were those tears in his eyes?
What small thing can you do?
On any special day,
To show them the honor they're due?
Do it now!
Don't delay,
Because you may not have another day!

This poem is in my book The Seven Story Tree

Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor. Romans 13:7

Thursday, November 1, 2012

One Thing- Why I Hate/Love Men

From the Disney movie, “Enchanted”

Morgan Philip: Remember, when you go out not to put too much makeup otherwise the boys will get the wrong idea and you know how they are...
[off Giselle's wide-eyed look]
Morgan Philip: They're only after one thing.
Giselle: What's that?
Morgan Philip: [laughs] I don't know. Nobody will tell me.

I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinkin' of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you....Stacie Orrico 

Ambivalence......It's the Story of my life!

      I think it began with.....J.....haha....Lets just use his initial to protect the GUILTY. But we are ALL guilty anyways, aren't we? J. was my brother's best friend and I had a huge crush on him. I was probably only about 8 or 9 years old. So he was like 11 or 12? He showed me something. What did he show me that for? Idk? Later I thought, "Because to a boy that's the most important thing!" It was abit confusing to an 8 year old...but I still liked him, 'cause he was just soooo cute! Like hey I was 8 years old- cut me a break!

It's true "You can't judge a book by it's cover" And in Matthew 7:1 it says not to do this! But so many do. You size someone up- oh I bet they.....You NEVER should do this! You never know what someone's been through! Walk a mile in their shoes and maybe you'll understand why they act the way they do. I have many 'habits" and "hang ups" but I've never been addicted or even tried any of the illegal drugs and thankfully I never went through a "wild period" in college-I never went to college. We had Sarah instead! I've only "been" with my husband but that is only by God's grace-having been in many situations and places where I shouldn't have been, like making out with a boyfriend at the beach--it's a miracle I didn't get myself raped. Because of the way I related to my Dad and the things he's done, I developed this "Love-Hate" relationship with men. I either love them or I hate them but rarely do I trust them! I was sexually harassed in high school and "used" by boys whose former girl friends were sleeping with them. Twice this happened to me! Someone (on the rebound) asked me out to get their (old) girl friends jealous and get them back and even if they didn't (get them back) they'd just, "blow me off" because I didn't "put out" like their former girl friends. Sometimes I'd break up with them first because nobody was gona break my heart!

You can read one of those stories here: Average Girl

My best friend growing up in California until I was 12 (when we moved to Fl) was Louise- she had horses and we'd go riding and I'd help her with everything to do with her horses, even cleaning the stalls! Louise's dad just adored me and loved me and getting that attention from him, while not getting it from my own dad was kinda nice- at first anyways. I always rode Louise's white pony named Pigeon (Louise rode her black pony named Brandy)- and when I was about 11 or 12 and getting too big for Pigeon I rode Louise's dapple gray quarter horse named "Traveler"- btw that was the name of General Lee's horse. Seems like a name a Southerner would pick but they're not Southerners- so I guess they just named him that because he was gray. Anyways, I'd ride Traveler and Louise's dad would say, "This is your horse!" Which was awesome.....But somewhere in those pre adolescent years -Louise's dad started giving me the creeps- he kissed me on the lips! Gross! When we were littler we'd go sit in his lap and give him a kiss (on the cheek) and hug but when you're 10, 11, 12? Sorry, no thanks mister! Once when I was about 13 and back for a visit, he grabbed a hold of me to hug me or kiss me and I pulled away and ran! When I say he grabbed hold of me, it was a tight hold! Like a death grip! I don't know how I got away! We were in the stables and I went to climb the fence, just like I'd been doing for all these years Louise and I had been friends and whack! I hit my shin on the fence and had a big sore there for awhile, it took a long time for that scar to heal! I don't know what he was after. I also don't know why he wouldn't let me go. Perhaps it was nothing....but why did I have this over-whelming relief like I had narrowly escaped something very very bad?

                                           This is what "Traveler" looked like!

I remember something that was hanging in Louise's Dad's tack room. I loved that place, really, smelled like the sweet grain we fed the horses and leather. Filled with saddles, bridles.....even a fridge with soda for us in it, beer for Louise's dad and usually some tequila too.

                                           Marilyn Monroe

What was hanging on the wall was a Marilyn Monroe calendar. And this was not the clothed Marilyn! If you look up some of the things Marilyn said, they are also very revealing:
"A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing." Marilyn Monroe

"Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered" Marilyn Monroe

When I moved to Florida and was in Middle School, there was...G......who harassed me everyday on the bus. He would sit in my lap, like everyday! Really! Sometimes he'd get with another boy and "gang up" on me----talking trash......Once he had another boy hold me down and he kissed me on my forhead- at least that was all he did. But gee THAT was my first romantic! Thanks alot G!

I've already wrote about some of the sexual harassment I received in band when I was a sophomore and a junior. I talk about some of that in my Average Girl post. So what did I do when I became a senior? I just dropped out of Marching Band! I had had enough! But you can't escape the evil in the world and along came this underclassmen whose locker was above mine. Why above? I'm a senior- his locker should be below mine! He was cute. I began to just admire his persistence. "Perhaps he won't say anything to me today?" Nah! Also this was when I was in a cult (The World Wide Church of God) for a few months and I wore no make-up and dressed pretty conservatively for a 17 year old. 

Wow, he STILL thinks I'm.....I was going out with Bob for the second semester. This really was a "year of turmoil" for me! When the boy who was harassing me, stood on a bench and proposed THAT really started getting to me! So when I broke up with Bob and Bob found someone else.....hmmmmm? Now I have someone readily available to make him jealous! But that was when God stepped in and I was saved. I didn't realize that was when I was saved until later. God is never late! I'm glad He stepped in at that time, otherwise it could have got real ugly.

I was recently listening to The Fray's song "You Found Me": It goes, "Lost and insecure, You found me, You found me...." Yes THAT was me!

 To be honest and I actually said this to someone once; If God had not saved me  (young) I'd probably be a single mom now with a bunch of kids with different last names!

  So when I was a teen, this was my constant battle....I liked attention...but no not that kind of attention....I'm NOT supposed to enjoy this!.......but no I like that boy, he's cute but all he seems to want is.....argh! It was so so aggravating!
 The first time I read something that explained this battle I was having was when I read, "Not Even A Hint" by Joshua Harris. Everyone talks about the man's problem but I was having my own battle with wanting to be sexy! Even as a teen I just felt so much shame to enjoy causing someone else to lust. I knew it was wrong! 
I put in my status last week about a comment a man giving his testimony made:

OK so the point last night that women should dress modestly because "Men are dogs" does NOT really help someone like me whose experience is: men are much worse than dogs! Reminded me of that L.M. Montgomery quote that I loved, "The more I saw of men, the more I liked my cat." ("Chronicles of Avonlea") Why, oh why can't men NOT be dogs? If we dress modestly does that magically change them? Oh I wish! Cause I do and I make sure my girls do also!



Wait- let me say I've known this man for a while and he is NOT a dog- he was trying to make a point but I'm just sharing the woman's perspective here.

You want to know what I think? Jesus said it all starts in your heart. (Matthew 5:28, 15:19)  All men are NOT dogs -and they don't have to be!  Women need to not dress to be "sexy" . There's a difference between "dressing attractively and dressing to attract". 
Bob's cousin commented on liking all the sexy Halloween costumes women wear. Oh yeah, "Hey Bob how about you be Batman and I'll be Cat Woman? Or Ironman and the Black Widow?"  No, I can't do that! Goes back to what I was saying in my last post about your MOTIVES. Why would I want to be Cat Woman? It may be fine for some  body else---I'm not condemning anyone. I think I have a friend that was Cat Woman. But me- No!!!!!
My sister-in-law had breast cancer, so part of her breast was removed. She had reconstructive surgery and said, "They said I'd even have clevage" I'm like "That's great!" But me? My girlfriends have my permission to slap me if I ever show even abit of cleavage---not happening! No way! I want men to look me in the face---thank -you very much!
I have in the past had wrong motives to lose weight. Do I want to look "hot"? Just for Bob, right? Hmmmmmm? When my mean doctor called me at Christmas-time (2007) and told me if I didn't lose weight I may become an insulin dependent diabetic (He called himself the "Ghost of Christmas future" lol)---Then I got busy and lost 30 pounds! But some of it keeps coming back! So I press on always examining my motives every step of the way.
  It was really funny when my cousin said, "My red hair gives me super powers"
I replied, "With great power comes great responsibility" lol
But seriously I knew exactly what she meant!
Going into church on Sunday I think the usher noticed my hair, although still red, was a different shade, so he joked, "there's a dollar charge for all redheads" haha so I replied as he let me pass, "It usually gets me in for free"
But it's not just redheads, all women have this "power", this responsibility, and men have it too. None of us should abuse it. Women shouldn't "abuse" their power by teasing men. 
I believe this is how Eve got Adam to eat the fruit! "Hey hon, you gotta try this, it's really good" she said as she batted her eyelashes at him.
 The problem seems to be: Women love to tease men and men love to be teased. I mean what was the name of that bad bar in town?- "Teasers" .
Men shouldn't disrespect women, treating them as objects created solely for their pleasure nor should they play with our hearts, promising security yet leaving us in the lurch. Men are supposed to "protect" us from becoming objects. They need to be strong enough to say, 
"Hey Eve quit talking to that serpent! Don't you know he's only after one thing?"
Instead he's thinking, "Oh yeah that serpent wants my wife 'cause she's hot but he can't have her, she's mine" 
Quit being "dogs" guys! Stop treating women like your possessions! "Look mines better than yours-that means I'm better than you!"
Men- When you look at porn you are hurting women! And your relationships with them....and not just you're girl- friends, wives etc. You're hurting your relationships with your mom's, sisters etc. You de-value them. They are just pretty things to look at- only good for "one thing".
From the “Trochia” FaceBook: Purity of heart is to will one thing, God's will, with all of one's being and doing. ~Davies and Allison Therefore, "above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Prov. 4:23
Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. Matthew 5:8 
Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? To where will you go child? Tell Me where will you run, to where will you run? Tenth Ave North, "By Your Side" 

I think I must have cried when I first read this verse:
So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him. Psalm 45:11

Oh, so who will I be this year for the Fall Festival? "Merida" from the Disney Pixar movie, "Brave" and you know what? I think she's the first Disney princess that doesn't need a "Prince" to complete her! I really like that! And she has her own horse!


     The Fall Festival for Southside Baptist was in Fort Valley (GA) at Lane Packing, the day I posted this. (November 1, 2012)

How do you start getting free? Check out this blog post: One Thing: How Do You Get Free?

 To read Part 2 of "One Thing": Cats and Dogs

My Chains…….(I wrote this poem over a year ago, only my therapist- who I haven't been to in over a year has read it....until now)

I dreamed I was in high school again…..
I was taking a test….
I hadn’t studied, I was bound to fail…..
Dad, where are you?
He’s more interested in helping that single mom at the office,
She could use some help, but Dad I need you…
These boys are annoying me, what should I do?
Can you come to my band performance? No-
Can you pick me up from practice? No-
Well whatever, Dad, since you don’t have the time,
at least the boys at school do….
But I won’t go past second base, don’t worry…
I’m a “good girl”- “Goody two shoes” that’s me….
I’ll be faithful, Dad, can’t you see?
I won’t be like my brother……
I won’t even start….
I won’t get “locked up” in the prison of addictions…
I’ve never even touched those drugs….
Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?
No one sees inside of me…
The battle’s in my mind and I am losing it!
There’s a war raging inside my head….
That annoying boy’s harassing me every day…
In between the inappropriate things he says and does….
He smiles at me…..he’s kinda cute…
Perhaps he does like me?
Dear God, today he stood on a bench and proposed…
It’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to me…
But he doesn’t even know who I am….
Or that I’m enjoying this attention….
This guy is nuts…over me? Go figure….
Having this “power” is intoxicating…
This can’t be happening….
I’m addicted and I can’t get him out of my mind…
It’s like gravity….the spiral down…
If he doesn’t “annoy” me I’m disappointed?
Lord, please help me, I’m so pathetic….
He makes me manic- high…
Mom doesn’t notice…
She’s trying to be both parents….
At night I hear her crying….
She’s dealing with your mania….
But I’m sinking…….
It’s not a dream…war is hell…
This is a nightmare….
Who will deliver me from “the body of this death?”
Jesus! “Awake!” He says, “Peace be still” …
He breaks my chains in pieces….
I can breath for the first time….
I take in the warm air….
Look up to heaven and whisper a prayer….
For a while He leads me beside the still waters…
He said He’ll be my perfect Father…..
Up further on the mountain than I can see…..
Awaits another battle……
But with Jesus there is victory….

What Elephant? (I just wrote this recently-What's your "Elephant"? An addiction? Mental illness? A Pit Bull perhaps? It can be many things or situations- whatever it is we can trust God with it!)

Was there ever an elephant in your room?
When it moved it went boom,
You tried to deny it,
But you couldn't hide it,
Where can you hide an elephant?
Oh no that's a cat,
You'd try to say,
Or maybe a bat, it'll fly away....
If you can't admit it,
There's no way to quit it,
Go ahead face it!
Can you trace it?
Could the truth set you free?
Or will "they" all laugh at me?
Who are "they" anyways?
And why do we care if they laugh?
They have a hyena in their room,
That's so much worse than just an elephant!
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time,
One day, two day, three...
Day by day these things I pray...
I have a Higher Power Who created elephants,
Maybe He can take care of it?
I wonder what He'll do?
Will He take it to the Zoo?
What!? People will come from miles around,
To see the greatest show in town?
The elephant, he now does tricks,
And people pay to get their kicks?!
God can take your ashes and give you beauty,
You thought you had to sacrifice,
Everyone must pay their price,
If I give Him the elephant he'll die
But the Ring Master doesn't work that way,
The elephant will live another day,
He'll sing and dance,
Because he got another chance,
The Circus is a place of joy and wonder,
Because the Ring Master has a plan,
Trust the elephant in His hands!

Now I've memorized this and have said it for many people! You can hear me saying it here

 I almost died! No not really! But Lydia came to me with this elephant a couple weeks ago. I had forgotten all about it! It was my mom's! And it's the cutest, softest most adorable elephant like ever!!! I was telling Lydia thank-you because she had had it and was giving it back to me and she didn't even know about my poem! I said, "I love this elephant!" She said, "I know, I can't even look at it or I'll want it back!" haha And to top it all...squeeze his belly and he trumpets!!! lol
To hear me read the poem watch my Video Bible Study: Storms