Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Who Holds Your Heart?

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you.....
You hold me without touch- You keep me without chains....
Sara Barielles

This is Part 3 in my "King of Hearts" posts: The King of Hearts
and The King of Hearts (Part 2) What Would You Ask For?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

Was it the best part of my week or the worst? Or both? Ambivalence! Men drive me crazy! WHY does this stuff happen to me!? I'm STILL reeling. Wow- I sure didn't see that coming! My life is truly Stranger than fiction. But more on that later. Right now I want to talk some more about Abraham and Sarah to continue from my February post. In that post I talked about how Abram passed off his beautiful wife Sarai as his sister because he was afraid. That story is in Genesis 12. I was wondering how the pharaoh found out that Sarai was the cause of his troubles? You know what I think? She told him. The Bible doesn't say but I think she did because Sarai obeyed Abram in saying she was his sister, as she was, they had the same father but different mothers. Having more than one wife was a common practice back then. But Sarai knew it was wrong to become pharaoh's wife and have sex with him, so I think she told him that the plague was because of her. What pharoah said to Abram, "I might have taken her as my wife" makes me think this, but, of course, I could be wrong.

I also quoted I Peter in that February post: Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. I Peter 3:3-6

I've been thinking more about that story and Sarai whose name was changed to Sarah in chapter 17 of Genesis. This is also the chapter where God says to Abram (who was then 99 years old!), “I am Almighty God; walk before Me and be blameless."And you know what? Abraham and Sarah had made quite a few "blunders" before that, so I think this helped. If God asks something of you, He doesn't "leave you in the lurch". He'll help you to do it. Amen!

This is what happened BEFORE God changed their names:

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai. Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan. So he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress became despised in her eyes. Genesis 16:1-4

What a mess! Sarai what on earth were you thinking? Who does stuff like this? The day I give my hubby another woman will be the day hell freezes over. And the day he gets himself another woman will be the day he says goodbye to this woman forever! Excuse me, but I aint sharing my man with nobody!

Then in verse 5 Sarai says to Abram, “My wrong be upon you! I gave my maid into your embrace; and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes. The Lord judge between you and me.”

What!? But it was your brilliant idea Sarai! But ah, the man is to be the leader in the home and the one to say, "Sarai why would I want your ugly maid? I only love you. God is going to give us a baby, be patient." The man is to be the "Spiritual leader" and the one to reassure his wife when things get tough. Just like "Danny's Song":

And in the morning, when I rise
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright
(Loggins & Messina)

So Abram said to Sarai, “Indeed your maid is in your hand; do to her as you please.” And when Sarai dealt harshly with her, she fled from her presence.

Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur. And He said, “Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

She said, “I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress Sarai.”

The Angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand.”

Genesis 16:6-9

Again, I find this so interesting! Again, Sarai comes out smelling like a rose. Hagar had to go back? But Sarai "dealt harshly with her"? Sarai is the queen of her castle, "whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror." And when it was time for the bonds woman and her son to go, Sarah said so and God said to Abraham, "Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice..." Genesis 21:12

Which reminds me of the wise words of my neighbor, Mr. King, "Women are smarter than men" AMEN! Mr. King also told me how his sons treat their mother. Mr. King is almost 70 years old (His sons are about my age) and has a voice like Johnny Cash. He says, "They may let a bad word slip when they're out in the shop with me but in there around their mother it's "Yes Maam" and "No Maam" "Can I do anything for you Mom?" Mr King also told me to look in the mirror and asked me what I saw. We were moving the bed Miss Fran gave me into my basement. I didn't know at the time that it was for Bob. He left the next day and a couple weeks ago he took the bed over there to the other house. After reassuring me that he wasn't making an advance to me Mr. King said, using some southern term I've forgotten, something like, "If you were my wife I'd be all over you like flies on a cow patty". He said Bob needed to go some where and think about what he was doing and so that happened. It was abit Prophetic. And then Mr. King was like, "How long you reckon you'll be single?" "Oh just until my 'rock singer 'comes to town." Nah, I didn't say that, I said,

I never will marry
I'll be no man's wife
I expect to live single
All the days of my life...(Linda Ronstadt)

So it was a Saturday night when I met 'the rock singer' and I have to say I was siced. I told him I've been a fan for a long time. (He was in a different band before this one). My kids were raised on this guys music! I was bringing in chairs from the sequoia when I saw him leaving his bus. He held out his hand for me to shake and I hugged him. OK- my bad. But I am a "hugger"- I hug both men and women but I usually am more careful when I hug men and try to give them a side hug or just hug their neck.

I told him I was a writer and trying to get published. I even gave him my card (which has my number on it- *gasp*). BTW- My card has a tiny picture of my whole family on it, including Bob. Bob jokingly asked if I got his number. I said, "No" and left it at that. Bob had said that for my writing to make any money, I had to already be somebody famous or related to somebody famous. I needed "connections". Hmmmmmm? This could be a good "connection", huh? He said I could "hang out" with him after the show.

After the show, I got our photo taken and he put his arm around me, when he pulled away from that I felt a light (sensual?) rub on my back. Whoa! Was that was a "meaningful touch"? Joyce Meyer said women need twelve of them a day. And I'm hardly getting any at all. Are you kidding me!?

Is 'the rock singer' coming on to me?! It must be my vivid imagination? Why am I married to a man who makes me feel unwanted? It's been too long but I must hold out longer, cause I believe God and that good things come to those who wait. This is definitely NOT what I'm holding out for- which is love. This is lust.

He said it was great meeting me and that he hoped to see me again. OK. Like the next time you come to Georgia? Your next tour? Then he said he had to go to his bus. Is he going to ask me to walk him to his bus? TBH- I did want to talk to him longer. No OK. Thankfully I'm finally in a place right now where I'm done groveling. I'm self sufficient and self confident. If someone wants to be my friend, they'll act like it. Perhaps "friendship" wasn't what the 'the rock singer' was after? I know I'm most beautiful when I just walk away. So I did.

Someone online said about him,
I agree, he is strange, but his music is strangely compelling...
I concur, as is he himself.

"It isn't the fact of having temptations that should cause us shame, but what we do with them. Temptation is an opportunity to conquer. When we eventually reach the goal to which we are all striving, God will look us over , not for diplomas, but for scars…." Peter Marshall, from "A Man Called Peter" 

Why do us girls sometimes have this fascination with the "Bad boys"? I guess we'd like to think, "that boy will clean up good" and it does seem "Opposites attract" and the "Bad boy" wants to "Make some good girls go bad" But technically speaking we're all, "bad" "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) And sometimes even very "Good Christians" don't want to hang around with the "squeaky clean". I mean, why make yourself look bad? Right? Girls! Don't sell yourself short! Find a good guy who will give you the respect you deserve!

There's a book of fiction by Francine Rivers called, "Redeeming Love" that's about a beautiful prostitute in the 1800s. The whole book (fiction) is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible. "A powerful retelling of the story of Gomer and Hosea, Redeeming Love is a life-changing story of God's unconditional, redemptive, all-consuming love." And I hardly ever read fiction, but I read this. Some of it Bob and I actually read together. I just felt I could so relate to the character, Angel, not that I was ever a prostitute. NO. In fact, I've only "been" with my hubby. But just the feeling that men are only interested in One Thing. So they are only concerned with your outward appearance and NOT concerned with your heart. OK (Spoiler warning!) I find it very interesting that, "Angel" needed to get away from her awesome, godly, most perfect husband for awhile at the end of the book. Why? Because she had set him up as an idol in her life! She needed to become acquainted with her real Savior and King, Jesus. I think this happens to many people and sometimes they never get it straight. Also at the end of the book you find out "Angel"s real name: Sarah, which means, "Princess".

Without implementation, all our Bible studies are worthless. Jesus said, "Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock" (Matthew 7:24, NIV). Jesus also pointed out that God's blessing comes from obeying the truth, not just knowing it. He said, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them" (John 13:17, NIV). The Purpose Driven Life

True- Do not be hearers only deceiving yourselves. James

Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
Isaiah 61:1


I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry aloud on the housetop. I ceased to be lord over myself. I was no longer the captain of my soul, and did not know it. I allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace...There is only one thing for me now, absolute humility. Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4

You are bigger than any battle I'm facing
You are better than anything I've been chasing
Savior and royalty, the only hope in me
Jesus, You are, You are
The King of my heart, heart
The King of my heart, heart

Your love is deeper than the ocean
You wash away my brokenness
Your arms are always open
Come and rule in me
Come and be my king

Love and The Outcome

He's my hiding place :-)

So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him. Psalm 45:11

King and Crown
Poet, rocker, movie star
I know exactly who you are

I google you and a million pics pop up
After 20 minutes do you think you know me?

I am much more than what you see
What is it that you seek?
For I am NOT your average Jesus Freak
Perhaps you see the fear and longing in my eyes?
But I am so tired of lies
Yes, there's a ring on my finger
Yet my heart is cold
Sometimes I feel fat and old
Bad Boy, Believer? Philanderer?
But I am no better than you
We are just the same, we two
Sinners saved by simple grace
Do you want to see me again?
How can you see me again
When you missed me the first time?
It seemed like you knew me
But you looked right through me 
It's all my fault of course
My daughters know I'm a bad dresser
Forever the second guesser
I shouldn't hug strangers
I didn't see the danger
Until you said, I'll see you later
I felt the light touch on my back
Don't dwell on all the things you lack!
Could this be a Satanic attack?
The chills go down my spine
I hear the hubby say, You are mine!
There's tension in the air
I want to walk you to your bus
I hear the dark haired one again, What about us?
I'm through with you,
If you had come I wouldn't be hanging here on this cliff
I'm listening to him
Saying he wants to see me again
That voice! OMG- Help!
Come on Susan! Make a choice!
The right one- Wake up!
Saying, Remember Me?
King and Crown
One day we'll meet
Don't let what the Can O' Worms says go to your head
He just wants you in his bed
This man's a mess
A 'hot mess' just like you
But the King desires my beautiful heart
He deliverers me
We'll never part
The princess is all glorious within
She doesn't want to sin
She only wants to honor HIM
I'll worship my King
Forever I'll sing
My heart overflows with this theme
So to you I'll say 'good-bye'
Jesus loves both you and me
Surrender all to Him and you'll see
He makes us all royalty

And I am still a fan of you
Just not what you do
Most importantly He is too!


Perhaps if I went out like this. I wouldn't get hit on? No, I will keep wearing make-up but  I will definitely dress more conservatively next time. And no hugging strangers!

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31


A Dream Come True
I know you
At least I thought I did
Or was it a dream?
Is it love?
Or wishful thinking
Perhaps possession?
Or maybe obsession
Whatever it was, it died
And needs resurrection
Or not
I thought I was alone but I realize now I'm not
I thought I was unloved- but I AM NOT
Only disrespected
So I did the unexpected
It takes time to earn back trust
He gives me patience
As I wait on Him
Willing to relinquish you
I surrender all
He renews my strength like the eagles
And He won't let me fall
If I know You
I know what You'll do
You'll love me no matter what
It's true
I'm wide awake now

My book of poetry is also on Amazon: The Seven Story Tree

I can't believe sometimes how song writers write MY STORY. It has to be Him. It happened again today when I heard this and the tears flowed: House of their Dreams by Casting Crowns 

Here is a more on that: Dream Home 

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