Friday, August 15, 2014


SuperChick's album cover, "Beauty From Pain"
I made my mistakes
I seen my heart cave in
I got my scars
I been to hell and back again

Born for the blue skies
We’ll survive the rain
Born for the sunrise
We’ll survive the pain...
Switchfoot, "Dark Horses"

Do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12

Susan, What do you see?
I see a megaphone Lord, I'm sorry I made You use it again. I said as I hung my head in shame. But He gently lifted up my face and said in a firm, yet loving way, STOP DOING THAT! I sent my Son to rid you of your guilt and shame, why do you hold onto it? Why do you let men control you with it? Aren't I supposed to control you with My Spirit?
Yes, Lord! And I want You to!

What does Isaiah say in Chapter 50, verse 7?
I shall not be put to shame.
What about Isaiah 54:4?
For you will forget the shame of your youth
How about 61:7?
Instead of your shame you shall have double honor.
Psalm 37:6 says, 
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday. 

For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” Romans 10:11

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:16-17

Thank-You Father for Your Word. Amen

 A friend said that things- like sharing  your heart- out on your sleeve (It's just what I do) is acceptable when you blog but not for facebook.  OK then, here goes....

One day (Awhile back) when facebook friends were getting me down I shared this:
My youngest is so sweet! She's like "What's the matter? Why do you look stressed?" I'm like, "Nothing" Then I about cracked up when she said, "You could blog about it" Now THAT'S a great idea, Lydia!!!! But....oh yeah....I already did that! hahahaha

Recently, we passed a certain place and Lydia asked me that question again. It was the place where that story happened. (Now in my top ten "views"!) Not only do I wear "my heart on my sleeve" but I guess it's written all over my face! Sensitive people can "read" me. My youngest is a great example of that. Once my friend who works in Sparks with me said, "I can see the hurt in your eyes". What's annoying sometimes is people who want to tell me what I "should" do (and not do) about that hurt and Lyd, whose just 13 years old, also falls into that category. Bob said she's the most like me in that manner (Being empathetic and vocal) and I have to admit he's probably right, at least about that. I'm striving to be more like my Claire Bear though, who also I think knows how I feel, yet keeps her mouth shut about it. I recently thanked her for that. It's a sign of pride when you think you know what everyone else should do with their lives and you must tell them!

What was God saying to me with His megaphone? You may ask. Before He had to get that megaphone out He spoke in a "still small voice" and said,
"Spending alot time on facebook, huh?"
"Didn't I already tell you what his game is?"
 "Are you wearing that? Why?"
"Taking another "selfie"? Why?"
"Whose wearing too much make-up now?" 
"Do you trust Me?"
"What I have for you, is so much better than what you're chasing"
"I love you!"
"You ARE wanted"
"Why aren't you 'stalking' Me?"
"I am jealous of those things you put before Me"
"You belong to Me!"
"If I had a facebook page, would you 'stalk' Me?"
"If I had a twiiter account would you follow Me?"
"If I asked you to give up ________ would you?"
"Do you love Me?"
"What is it you seek?"
"What's YOUR game Susan?"

Wow- facebook has been sending me e-mails: Susan, you have 76 new notifications, 20 close friend updates and 1 event update.

Susan, you have 83 new notifications, 34 close friend updates and 38 messages‏...‏Oh well!
I just wrote a poem about facebook:

Stalking stalkers
Blocking Blockers
Hooking hook ups
Gossiping Gossips
Facebook flirting
Issue skirting
Judgmental judges
Holding grudges
Hey I think I know just what to do!
I will simply unfriend you
Sexy photos
Dirty laundry
Venting anger
Diving for danger
Gaming gamers
Lion tamers?
Cliff hanging
Gang banging

There are oh so many reasons why.
Too many to reply.
So to facebook I say, Goodbye!

Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Proverbs 26:20

So I'm off facebook til further notice, but I'd be happy to tweet you!
You can also find me on Instagram

But Facebook isn't evil-and divorce isn't a sin- even killing someone isn't a sin- then all our military people who fought to keep this nation free are guilty. Everything has to do with WHY? God is all about our MOTIVES. The Israelite s were told to kill and destroy entire cites. And in the book of Ezra they were told to divorce their foreign wives. They were pulling them away from God.

Arise, for this matter is your responsibility. We also are with you. Be of good courage, and do it. Ezra 10:4

The world is full of UNBALANCED  people. I've noticed that some people are irresponsible and NOTHING is their fault. They're the blamers. They're the VICTIMS. They're the martyrs. Oh poor people, don't you feel sorry for them? Their focus is on THEMSELVES.

Other people are the responsible ones. Everything is their fault. They're the scape goats. They're the fixers. They're the doers. They're the givers. They're the martyrs. Oh poor people, don't you feel sorry for them? Their focus is on THEMSELVES.

Oswald Chambers said, Self- pity is of the devil. And I would venture to say, even feeling pity for others can be, unless it is accompanied by ACTION. Faith without works is DEAD! Love is a VERB!

What are you passionate about? Jesus asked, "What do you seek?" (John 1:38) or "What are you after?" God wants us to be passionate about Him! To love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength! When I think of passion, I think of Mary: "Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil." John 12:3 When we put Jesus first, everything else just "falls into place". (Matthew 6:33) Jesus makes us balanced. See: I Peter 5:8&9

I know as Christians we're all called to forgive. But there is a difference between FORGIVENESS and RECONCILIATION. I believe RECONCILIATION requires the hurting party to acknowledge and face their sin, own up to it, earn trust back....And I'm completely open to this! But I'm NOT open to continuing to turn a blind eye to subtle abuse, mind games, withholding affection, disrespect, financial irresponsibility ETC. ETC. If someone really WANTS me? Then it's time for them to start acting like it.

Many of Joyce Meyer's books have changed my life for the better. God uses this anointed woman and I so want to emulate her! A book I just recently finished is called, "The Approval Fix". This is the addiction God has set me free from! Before I couldn't even think of breaking free of abuse because I couldn't stand the disapproval of well meaning Christians saying divorce is a sin. They'd also say, don't even use that "bad" word! I just recently heard our counselor say that. It's like Voldemort in Harry Potter, "That which must NOT be named".

Jesus didn't say that divorce is a sin. He said if you divorce for no reason and marry another THEN it's a sin! (Adultery). (Matthew 5:32)

Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. Your God, the Lord himself, will be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you. - Deut. 31:6

It’s good for us to share our victories with others. We help them overcome by the word of our testimony

Don't repress it- Confess it! Don't conceal it- Reveal it! Rick Warren

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Galatians 5: 22-23 (The Message)

It keeps coming up again and again. What's the answer to my problems with my child? With my finances? With the dirty and disorganized house? With my yo-yo dieting? With getting my book written?
DISCIPLINE! Lord help me I can't do this without You!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

"When He says, "Let go" I let go." “At any cost, by any road” means nothing self-chosen in the way God brings us to the goal. There is no possibility of questioning when God speaks if He speaks to His own nature in me; prompt obedience is the only result. When Jesus says – “Come,” I simply come; when He says – “Let go,” I let go; when He says – “Trust in God in this matter,” I do trust. The whole working out is the evidence that the nature of God is in me. Oswald Chambers

In the movie, "God's Not Dead" no one agrees with what Josh feels "called" to do. I kinda feel a kindred spirit with him. Did you know Shane Harper, who plays Josh is also a musician and sings a song on the soundtrack?

When it's coming apart, you had it all.
It wasn't enough. No, it's not enough.
They tell you it's not worth the price, so just let it go.
But you know you can't. You know you won't.

The "Via Dolorosa"is the route believed to have been taken by Jesus through Jerusalem to Calvary.- It means in Latin, literally 'painful path'. Another definition I found is, "A distressing or painful journey or process"

A poet from the 90s wrote a short poem about it. He said, "Procession of souls grasp the hand of God- Find your purpose, on the dirt which you trod."
I take that to mean, there is a purpose in our pain! There surely was a glorious purpose for Christ's. He died because He is madly in love with us! We're wanted, desired...

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” C.S. Lewis

In the Bible people who taught God's word and warned people that things won't go well when they disobeyed God are called "Prophets". There are people nowadays who call themselves that, this makes me wary. If you read about the prophets in the old testament, you wouldn't necessarily WANT to be one. Look at what Jeremiah says,
Everyone mocks me.
 For when I spoke, I cried out;
I shouted, “Violence and plunder!”
Because the word of the Lord was made to me
A reproach and a derision daily. (Jeremiah 20: 7-8)

So he attempts to just keep quiet. Pointing out people's sin and telling them of God's judgement is not "popular". But when it's your calling? You are unable to stop;

Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him,
Nor speak anymore in His name.”
But His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not.
(Jeremiah 20:9)

Michael Card used to sing a song about prophets like Jeremiah,

I am the prophet and I smolder and burn
I scream and cry and wonder why you never seemed to learn
To hear with your own ears with your own eyes to see
I am the prophet, won't you listen to me?

I am the prophet, won't you listen to me?

Really? Prophets are today's pastors like those at my church or your local church and those who write books and are on TV and radio like Chuck Swindoll, Charles and Andy Stanley, David Jeremiah, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, Joseph Prince....

(They) hold out hope to everyone who hears and understands
The Word of God can echo in the voice of a man (or woman)
He's the shadow of a great rock in a dry and weary land
With the names of the ones He loved carved into His hands

Michael Card

Here's a word from a "Prophet" of the (not so distant) past:
Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless you learn to open the door of your life completely and let God in from your first waking moment of each new day, you will be working on the wrong level throughout the day. But if you will swing the door of your life fully open and “pray to your Father who is in the secret place,” every public thing in your life will be marked with the lasting imprint of the presence of God. Oswald Chambers

But God can use anyone to speak to you. When I was at Myrtle Beach with friends He spoke to me through a six year old. Pee Wee. First day at the beach I wore a tankini which is a two piece but  doesn't show your belly. I had fun helping Pee Wee catch the waves on the boogie board but I got sun burned. So the next day I wore my bikini but left my shorts and Super Man shirt on. Pee Wee would rotate between us all so noone was left solely responsible for him the whole time. Whoever was with him would go from the ocean to the pool (indoor one and out door one) to the hot tub and back to the ocean and the boogie board. We'd run across the hot sand. Once we were standing looking at the ocean I guess contemplating where to go next. I was wondering if I might be able to take my shirt off and Pee Wee says, "You shouldn't show your belly" HA So when we were running up the stairs (To the 15th floor!? Crazy!) I said to him, "If I exercise enough and my belly gets smaller can I show it?" Pee Wee said, "No" I was telling Tracey about his comment and Tracey looks awesome cause she just lost 20 lbs doing a low carb diet and she asked him, if she should show her belly which was already in view. Pee Wee said, "No". You see in my effort to over come my legalistic views I maybe swung a little too far in the other direction. And now because I've been so vocal about my separation- although if I wasn't no one would know- Bob and I still live in the same house, only we sleep in separate rooms- I'm finding I need to be careful because I'm NOT looking for someone else! I DON'T want to seem that I am. So I took down some photos on facebook. I had received some unwanted messages and friend requests. And just recently I've felt almost attacked by 'friends' who I thought had more mercy and understanding than that.They were talking about how divorce causes so much heart ache and I've been thinking alot about that. It's like the saying with the guns- divorce doesn't cause the heart ache! People do! You know what else? BOTH my parents marriage AND my in-law's marriage have been through a literal HELL on earth- A TON of HEART-ACHE BUT NOT A SINGLE DIVORCE!


I found this prayer from Chuck Swindoll to be very appropriate:

It's not often, Father, that we make such a statement, but today we thank You for the injustices in life that have crippled us and broken us and crushed us. Unfair circumstances have bruised us deeply and beaten us into submission to You. Inequities have brought us to such a dead end that we can't see the way back out. The only direction we can look is up. We often think that our unjust circumstance is what has ruined our lives . . . when instead, it could be the means You have ordained to give us life. Father, if those people we know who have trudged through the valley of the shadow of death were not alive today, walking with You and telling us to keep going, where would we be? How much we need their examples and encouragement! Thank You for each one.
In light of Your sovereign grace, we thank You for blindness, for paralysis, for loss, for death, for broken dreams, for dissolved partnerships, and for disillusionment. In faith, we praise You for times of insecurity, failure, divorce, and even those when others have treated us unjustly. We see the storm, but You enable us to also see beyond the storm, so we trust You to make all things just in Your time. We believe that You sovereignly intend for good what others intentionally mean for evil.
We pray for those facing the frustration of injustice in these and dozens of other categories. We ask that they may be able to find in Jesus Christ the strength to go on . . . especially those who have almost decided to give up. We pray that they will offer everything to You in full surrender. Everything.
In the name of Jesus Christ, the Conqueror. Amen.
See also Genesis 50:20; Psalm 23:4; Psalm 119:71; Ecclesiastes 3:11; Romans 8:28; 2 Corinthians 1:3-7.

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"

Dear Self Righteous Pharisee,
You were never there for me,
I'll do as you say but not as you do,
You preach but do not practice,
Your puppets tell me what to do,
Forget it!
You don't know anything
I only follow my King
You are like the cop in disguise
All you speak are lies
You'd like to bring me to my grave
You love to punish and enslave
Must I hang my head in shame?
Am I the only one to blame?
No! You are a blind guide
But my King's always by my side
He says you don't know what you do
So I must forgive you...
Dear Self Righteous Pharisee
You work for the enemy!

The book of Proverbs says, A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

I Have A Plan 
When I was 19
I had my life all planned out
I'd be a nurse and then a mom
My kids would rise and call me blessed
I'd be the mate of happiness
My husband would fulfill all my dreams
Love, acceptance and the means
To pay for all of our adventures to the seas
To infinity and beyond!
What happened to my picket fence?
Oh how could I be so dense
To believe all my needs
Could be met by a mortal man
Going into this year I never knew
I'd make it to- this place where
There's such sadness yet excitement too-
everything is brand new
Death and Resurrection
I never thought that I'd meet you
I never thought I'd see the falls
Or take a fall for that matter
I'm done waiting for you
He fulfills my every need
And takes me to the sea.
When I was 47- I planned too
I just knew I could fix you
Who knew you were stubborn too?
What's a Codependent to do?
Close my eyes and leap
become independently dependent on You
Cause You will always see me through
Is holiness so boring? No!
Cause I never know just what You'll do
Or where I'll go from week to week
Or what I'll be
I only know as far as I see
We walk by faith
I'll be a teacher, waitress, pastor
When You inspire me, I'll write faster
Come with Me, just follow on and be...
A mom, a servant, poet, star
To guide the lonely from afar
As He was so you are
His plan for me is always best
It's time for me to give it a rest!
Follow Him and you'll go far
He has a wonderful plan for me and you
It's gloriously unfolding...
One day at a time!

So when people ask you,
What are you going to do or be?
Just say, I'm going to follow Him and be me!

Just like my Dove chocolate said: BE FREE-BE HAPPY- BE YOU
Keep your loins girded and your lamps burning Luke 12:35

I actually read this at Poetic Peace.

Fishing with Fire

Well-behaved women seldom make history
So perhaps there's hope for me?
I may be a b---- but at least I'm honest
But really? Some don't know that part of me at all
Like a moth to the flame
I'm drawn to people who push me to the limit
Even the nicest people have theirs
Why does that man call you, "Sue Bee"?
She said to me-Idk
Must be cause she's sweet, he said
He didn't know me very well
But you catch more flies with honey
The Pharisees don't catch many with their vinegar
Don't let yourself get bitter!
Don't let the fire die
Or Satan blow out that light
Those flies and fish will never bite
Until you have the bait that's right
Do you have something they'll long for?
I smile 'cause I'm happy...
Jesus delivered me!
Peace, joy, love, security
Confidence, fearlessness, purity
More heart- less attack
Do you have the thing they lack?
More of Him, less of me
Do you have a story?
Tell it
Do you have a match?
Strike it
Walk through the fire
Burn away the darkness
Ignite a soul
Set the world on fire
Let burn, burn, burn, burn

If I love a song? You betcha I'm gona write a poem that's inspired by it. This one? Rhianna? Yes Needtobreathe? absolutely Mostly Bellarive's "Lazarus" Recognize any other lyrics? 

Awake O' Sleeper! (Ephesians 5:14 & 6:14)

I'm trying to wake you up
Been trying for years to set a fire under you
Are you just gona stand there and watch me burn?
I loved the way it hurt
It was Masochistic
I see them all around me
How they whine and crow
They are the ones who try to get me to go
But you are blind, it seems
To all their schemes
That rock singer?
Oh yeah, she'll fall for him, they thought
But she eventually knew
She "came to"
Somebody's been knocking
The Devil's been talking
He wants to see you again
Bolt the door to your heart
Guard it right from the start
I will trust in You Lord
When I walk through the valley of the shadow
Yes, even in the midst of the battle
It's His voice I will heed
When you long for man's attention
It's called greed
And He says, run, Susan, run!
And just like Forest, I do
The sand is hot under my feet
My Jesus-
I'll live for the day
We'll finally meet
The sleeping one asks
Why didn't you go?
Because unlike you I fight in the battle- you're losing.
Sometimes I fall- but I get back in the saddle
I'll ride where He sends me
I am not alone
My Maker is my husband
It's my King for Whom I sing
Come out! He says
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Resurrection calls to restore- I'm radioactive
Even here and now you are what he’s calling for.
So sleep no more!

The Devil's just waiting on the night to fall to come and take it all!
It's time to WAKE UP!