Sunday, September 28, 2014

Creating Monsters

Go on and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady! Miranda Lambert

Hey little monster, I got my eye on you Where are you going, where you running to? Royal Blood

Next time I'm asked, Do you work? I think I'll have a little fun:

Yeah I work nights on the street corner, my hubby's my pimp *Gasp* lol

That's kinda like what Abraham did with Sarah

For example - A day in my life: At the crack of dawn I was lying in bed when my cell phone rang- the phone said, Claire Bear- uh oh something must be wrong because none of my kids just call to say, I love you. She was broken down.

All our money goes to our huge mortgage payment and our kids (College, soccer, Christmas, whatever they want). We save money by driving clunkers, the hubby is excellent at keeping these cars going! No matter how many times our kids crash them! Sarah drove a 92 Cadillac that Bob kept resurrecting! I was finally stuck driving it cause Sarah had to have the more reliable car to take to college cause Daddy wasn't there to fix it. I felt like saying to him, "Just let it DIE! Please!" Thankfully I did not have to drive it for very long.

Over the Summer Lyd and I went to the movies, and when we came out we discovered Claire Bear and Ian were both there also! How did we know this? First we saw the civic that hit a deer when it was Teddy's and has a leaky windshield now- so no carpet- I drove it once over the Summer and there was an inch and a half of water sloshing around on the passengers side every time I turned the corner! Then we saw the accord that Claire drives, that was missing a bumper (Just DON'T ask!).

The same day after I went to help Claire Bear with the car, I get a call from Lydia, "Mom can you bring me a polo, they're saying I'm out of dress code" Mom says, "Sure" When I went there, however, the receptionist said the assistant Principal wanted to speak to me. Uh oh. No mom wants to hear that. It was about Lydia's tardies and I was sure glad he finally said something! What!? Let me explain, when Teddy kept being late to Middle School, he got Saturday school and we started being on time after that. Lydia was late to school about every day of the 7th grade (last year). When they finally gave her ISS (In School Suspension) they didn't even make her go to that! The result; we kept being late! The school is reinforcing our bad habit! So guess what? I told the principal I was glad he said something and we started getting up earlier and being on time! People NEED consequences for bad behavior! Otherwise why would they change?

A very wise friend on facebook shared this: A dying heart can be easily brought back to life... SHOWING love cures many things
And I said: True! He's unknowingly? (or on purpose?- idk) putting nails in the coffin of our marriage and I'm so done trying to change him! I can't!!! It's sad- yes- but I finally have PEACE.

Everybody (i.e. my kids, former "friends" on facebook) is talking to me and not him, why? Because they know who the most stubborn one is? Does noone but me see how easily he could win me back? I'm NOT the one who is hard to please! The whole world knows I like to be flirted with, does he flirt with me? NO! BTW I told him to read this!!!! Yes I did! Perhaps he'll read it and get wise? Who knows? The only thing close to flirting he did was when we were on our way to a funeral and I dripped honey on my shirt and he asked if he could lick it off! I'm sorry, that's just NOT working for me. How about some flowers? Too expensive. Ask me on a date? No, I may say, No. He just seems mad not sad. He's still got the "tall, dark and handsome" working for him but I'm not going to be disrespected anymore.He hasn't asked for forgiveness or even admitted to doing anything wrong.

I posted Miranda Lambert's,"Mama's Broken Heart"  video on Twitter recently:

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next, all I know I couldn’t stop
And I commented:
The neighbors couldn't hear me- the scissors wasn't rusty- what? I'm always a LADY. lol

Oh and I DONT drink! Let me eat CAKE

Sometimes music is all you need to make you feel better. But THAT is what I was doing when I ran away to Marietta and ran away to the rental house

Miranda's song is so funny and catchy. After listening to it a couple times, I had a revelation about a dream I had some months ago. Back in July I dreamed I saved a little red haired girl from drowning in the ocean. I ended up on a trip to the ocean the following week, which is when I first met Pee Wee. But that's not what the dream was about. It was about DIGNITY.

Before Maya Angelou passed away I shared this quote in my Dream Home post :

Dignity—the word itself—has come to mean different things to different people, as many words do. It doesn't just mean always being stiff and composed. It means a belief in oneself, that one is worthy of the best. Dignity means that what I have to say is important, and I will say it when it's important for me to say it. Dignity really means that I deserve the best treatment I can receive. And that I have the responsibility to give the best treatment I can to other people.

I "saved" MYSELF. I stopped acting crazy and started "acting like a lady!"

"I went from zero to my own Hero" Katy Perry. And now I've got one less problem!

Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your eyes
And never let 'em see you cry

I don't know what's gona happen still- but nothing much is happening now- it's pretty stagnant- it hasn't started to smell yet but yeah- it's stagnant- that's a good word for it and I'm waiting- always the waiting and trusting...

My heart can only take so much. I'm so much happier when I let it go. I'm done thinking I deserve to be treated this way. When someone can't stand behind anything you do- whether it trying to talk to one of the kids or writing, whatever. When they're only able to shame you in front of others. Can't say anything nice to you...I'm waiting and waiting and waiting for him to do/say something nice. He's never seems sad at all. He just doesn't care. And now neither do I.

Last week I was blue, not at the thought of never having you but the realization that you can't seem to love anyone and I can only pity you but now I know pity isn't love. How could you know how to love? You had noone to teach you anything but dysfunction.

Been opening my Bible up to Ezra more often lately:

But many of the priests and Levites and heads of the fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this temple was laid before their eyes. Yet many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people, for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the sound was heard afar off. Ezra 3:13

Joyce Meyer says; "Is change happening in the midst of your personal life or the life of your church or ministry? Experiencing mixed emotions during times of change in not uncommon. Do not try to make serious decisions during emotional times. As I like to say, 'Let emotions subside and then decide'" So for all you concerned people (Who can't seem to mind your own business): I am NOT making any rash decisions. I don't even know and have not contacted any lawyers.

All I ever wanted was for someone to be "for" me- stand behind me- encourage me in my gifts...

I so over compensated for the lack of affirming words I received that I bathed my children in positive affirmations. In fact when Sarah was little and I was telling her how pretty and smart she was in front of my Dad, I remember him saying, "She's gona have a big head" It wasn't all bad, if I had had healthy limits (boundaries) and not also spoiled her, it would have been OK. I didn't teach them to RESPECT me. Now I refer to that as me "creating a monster" and whenever we allow someone to be a brat, treat us bad, make excuses for their bad behavior etc. it's called ENABLING and basically we're just making everything worse by allowing bad behavior and responding incorrectly. Some one else's behavior shouldn't change mine!

These are some of the lessons I've learned in my 47 years (30 with Bob- 27 as a mom) #1) God ALWAYS comes through for me! I'm NOT worried for once in my life! HE IS AWESOME #2) Spoiling your children is very bad! Just DON'T DO IT! Putting their needs before my own and my marriage- BIG MISTAKE- (One that we both made!) My twenty somethings are much worse than they were as teenagers! #3) MIDDLE CHILDREN are the least spoiled.

We went to Casa Mexico for lunch one Sunday for Claire Bear's birthday. I wanted to get a family photo because Teddy was moving to Brunswick to live with a friend- this always meets with resistance. It didn't happen and I didn't force it. He could have, but he hates making them do anything they don't want to. I wish he'd spoil me like he does them. Oh well. Seems the two days I can get a family photo are Mother's Day and my birthday. All other days are, "We don't give a cr--- what mom wants" days. And to make things even worse, My oldest says, "It's not like we're a 'happy family'" So I said, "I'm sorry you're not happy, I am" So she asks, "Why are you so happy?" I said, "Cause I realized I don't have to spend the rest of my life unhappy"

I recently changed my twitter name to: Redheaded Writing Hood. I've always been concerned with cults and false teachings and warning people. Jesus Himself said, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves." (Matthew 7:15)

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Matthew 10:16

The Word of God helps me grow up! Not only was I a very fearful person before, I was very naive and gullible. I'm not that anymore either! While I like to think the best of people, I often consider they may not have pure motives, after all mine aren't always pure either!

I used to think I must have, "Lie to me" written across my forehead but it's not that, it's that I genuinely want to help people- I'm a kind hearted person! And when I think someone's lying to me, I don't say anything, after all it's quite possible that I'm wrong, perhaps they're telling the truth? Pray Susan! God says, so I do...

Now, I think I've become somewhat of an expert at smelling BS, even from miles away. I'm allergic to it now. I avoid it, if I can. I used to mess with that stuff but not anymore! I don't argue with it, clean it up, even spray airwicke- I just walk away, get out of the room. Get out in God's wonderful creation, breathe in the fresh air! God IS NOT the Author of Chaos, Confusion and Dysfunction! God has called us to PEACE. Thank-You Jesus!

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

OK confession time- What again?! There's another reason for the "Redheaded Writing Hood" name. I thought I heard someone call me a "Wolf" There goes my vivid imagination again or maybe it's theirs? I didn't know what that meant -never heard it before used in this way. So I looked on the Urban dictionary :

Wolf: Noun: A friendly, conservative, quiet, mysterious female who can lure any man she wants to, can be a total slut but chooses not to be. She can also slyly get whatever she wants out of them but once again would never abuse her power. Would rather be in a realtionship but knows how to get a hook line and sinker. Thanks for the complement man!

Yeah I'd much rather be in a "realtionship" whatever that is....

I guess that's as opposed to a fakationship which is what this is...

The other day I posted a link to my Cliff Hanging Post and then I posted this comment:

Speaking of cliff hanging I DID NOT go to Poetic Peace last night. I was tired and not in a good frame of mind. I asked the hubby if he wanted to go with, as I usually do- he declined (Staying up til 12am and getting up @ 5am is difficult)- he's gone with me more times than I've gone alone. (I think I've gone alone twice) Poetic Peace is in a bar, if I was an alcoholic I shouldn't go at all, but alcohol is not my problem. Last time I was alone a man (who gave me a coke before) asked me where my husband was. "At home", I said. You know if things turn around and start going better between us and that happens again, I'll put my hand on my heart and say, "He's right here"

I'm finally learning how a woman of God should act! When I have "temper tantrums" the devil is winning and I'm feeding those "monsters". So basically, Mama was right! You better listen to your Mama! BTW- Joyce Meyer often says, "Listen to Mama Joyce!

Do you have some monsters in your life? Let's quit feeding those things, so they'll quit leaving their c- rap everywhere and go away!

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"

Don't take offense! It's another poem about me! The way I used to be...

Fake, Fat, Phoney Pharisee

Fake, Fat, Phoney Pharisee
How can you ever be free?
What's in your closet?
Skeleton, Monster, Elephant?
Clean it out!
Let it go!
Love can melt your frozen heart
But fear will tear your life apart!
The blind lead the blind into the pit!
But the faithful see every bit
They see the mess,
Roll up their sleeves,
Work the steps,
Clean the eaves,
Cultivate their orchard,
Grow their trees,
yielding a crop of fruit 
some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

Let this be where I die

Yeah I'm a misfit, monster, single mom
Sometimes a bully, bitch, vagabond
disillusioned, disappointed, discouraged, drowning
But I'll be damned if I'll give up!
I've got a story to tell
Satan wants to shut me up
Lord must I drink this cup?
No, I was wrong
I CANNOT "save" myself
I stepped out of the boat
But the wind was boisterous
And the storm rose
And I sank...
Lord help!
Don't let the whale swallow me
I will follow You
You alone can chart my course
You lift me up
And fill my cup
Surely mercy and grace will follow me
And I will dwell in Your house forevermore

Here's another post about Monsters