Tuesday, March 12, 2019

My Conundrum, The Child-bearing Wife and No Regrets!

 Mohamad by the door to his room at my house.

To see this in a different format see my other blog: Redheaded Writing Hood

 Might want to read Look What You Made Me Do and 
Coffee, Contact Paper and Chick-Fil-A leaves Me Cynical and Celibate!
to get this post. 

Sunday, September 9, 2018 (4:30 pm in Georgia)

RED: Um I am actually I guess cause you’ve been gone a week and I’m afraid to say this but at the same time know how understanding you are....I went to church....had time to think....have an annoying Christian (like I used to be) in my house I’m having a Little attack of conscience but I still love you and will never again beat myself up forever like I always did most of my adult life and when I didn’t I mean I was pretty good mostly

After all I’ve been through I’ll have to forgive myself but Idk how to resist you and I still want you to be back here like tomorrow

Now you can say see I told you!

But meeting someone like you whose waiting for marriage (or at least attempting to) like me was a total turn on -(as I said ) aside from the fact that your sweet and gorgeous and respectful and wonderful

Your crazy evil redhead gn my love

When you said how Pop got the virgin redhead (another sweet thing you said) I thought and he ruined her -(cause she wanted to wait til marriage!) I had the thought I had the tall dark handsome young man and ruined him (I pushed the thought away ofc) but what does that make me? Just a selfish asshole like him! I am sorry now and deserve to Be regretted

September 10, 2018 (Early morning in Georgia 7 hours later in Saudi)

RED: I’m awake -please don’t think it’s the same as with the lieutenant because it’s not I didn’t love him or even intend to have sex with him. You’re smart and have your whole life planned out -you wanted to wait for your wife and I arrive to mess up your whole plan. I thought I can’t have him forever so I’ll take him for now -a greedy gesture -just wondering how it’d be if I listened to you and helped you and we enjoyed “peace” like we were at the start?

Hate me now?

September 10, 2018 (about 6pm in Georgia so 1:00 am in Saudi -where I thought he was- where he said he was but I no longer think he even left the States but idk)
Sorry for the late reply... Yes.. I knew that both of us will regret. And even when you said you wont. I told you you will for sure..

I do regret it. And i told you since i was still in USA. But I'm to blame too..

And even if you tell me now you starting to regret.. It wont change how i treat you

Im more mature than that.. Come on! Give me some credit

RED: Ofc you are way more mature than that and than many men I’ve met twice as old - one of the many things I love about you

Still call you my conundrum: you need a young hot childbearing wife! Yet still if You’d have me I’d go anywhere with you I love you and don’t regret that and won’t ever regret that- I don’t ever regret loving anyone even Pop (My ex)

MO: Hahahaha... Again with the child bearing wife... This is becoming your signature sentence now from how many times i heard it

Oh wait.. You added "Hot" now


MO: Yet you told him once that you never really liked him

RED: He’s so stupid of course I loved him to put up with all his crap for so many years! Had five babies with him! But it was more of the mushie teenage crush type way (I didn't have that with him) I decided to love him I believe love is a decision too I wanted a way away from my parents stupid but hey I have five pretty awesome kids and don’t regret those years raising them.

MO : It's lovely to hear/read you talking about your kids


The title poem from my next book of poetry RED, goes well here:


We're always in it
I see it
I face it
I put it on
scarlet or vermilion or bluish red crimson
Old ladies with hats are winsome
Valentines, Christmas, cars,
Leaves of Fall

Team colors

It symbolizes blood and courage 
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord,  
“Though your sins are like scarlet, 
They shall be as white as snow;  
Though they are red like crimson, 
They shall be as wool"
Esau was red and so was his stew 
God didn't chose him but He chose you!  
The Sea was Red the Israelites went through 
I said I didn't love you  
But I lied I thought you knew  
I couldn't have put up with all that crap we went through  
Without HIS LOVE which ran red  
Your cold hearted rejection cut like a knife  
My blood ran red 
 So I wanted to hurt you too  
Why don't we remember the good times?  
You always focus on the bad  
Never speak life to me
So sad
Left me starving for attention and affection

Does anyone think I'm good or fair?  
I won't live in regret We were all "meant to be"

Five beautiful children  
Don't you see?  
The thought of losing you could leave me so brutally blue  
But no just as Taylor said Loving you was Riotously RED!

From my upcoming book, RED: Redeemed- Equipped-Delivered

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