So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. Revelation 3:16
To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled. Titus 1:15
One Spring Break evening after reading to her ten year old daughter, "Mom" stepped into her 17 year old's room- just inside the door. Her son and his two friends were playing video games and just "Chillin". The window was open and a cool Spring breeze blew in. One of the boys (not her son) said, "It just got really hot in here." "Mom" looked at him in puzzlement, then the other boy, said, "Yes it did". "Mom" was thinking, "Well maybe I should open a window?", looking towards the open window. Then she left and went in her room and closed the door. What just happened? What did they mean? Did they mean I was "Hot"? Nah, couldn't be. I used to be "hot" but that was a long time ago. I'd gained back 20 of the 30lbs I lost! "Hot" I was NOT- I was still haunted by the voices in my head that said, "You're fat"
My friend Melody who I wrote about in Cat Fights, Canines and Confrontation had a similar thing happen to her, she heard that two of her son's friends had called her a MILTF.. She really didn't know what that was! I guess I'm kinda "sheltered" too cause I didn't know either, until Melody told me. She had looked it up on the handy "Urban Dictionary".
How should a Mom respond to this? Should my son still be allowed to hang out with them? Well, I'll tell you what I did and what Melody did and you can decide what you think. We both told our hubby's asap- the husband's job is to protect his family- and ultimately he makes that call, if teenagers are saying stuff he doesn't like then he should probably talk to them- this would've shut them up pronto! But my Bob and Melody's hubby are both kinda "low key"- don't want to make waves- kinda guys- so they didn't say anything to them. I kinda tried to "lay low" after that, as did Melody. Melody's husband would go "check up" on her son and his friends instead of her. He could be the one to "hang" with the guys. I'll have to admit Melody handled it better than I, but her's was also more offensive. I didn't even know at the time that, "It's getting hot in here" is a bad song- I found this out thanks to TD Jakes! (It was mentioned in one of his sermons on Youtube)
I frankly enjoyed the compliment although my guilt and fear was still present as in the past. This pull is described in Romans chapter seven. I was like , no I'm not supposed to like being called "hot"- make those boys go away. And I do remember sending them to soccer practice and telling them "the hotel is closed" as they were sleeping over for most of Spring break week. But I was in the midst of adjusting to my thyroid medication, as I had had part of my thyroid burned off with radiation. When they upped my thyroid med. it made me kinda manic. So I said something I kicked myself for after: I said to one of them, "One day you're gona have a super hot girl-friend and I'm gona be jealous" I did mean it in a "Mom" kind of way, but I didn't say that. Mom's are often jealous of their son's girlfriends- my mom was and unfortunately it showed sometimes. Like I said in a previous post though; having a feeling isn't a sin! For instance, the Bible says, "Be angry and do not sin. Lie on your bed and meditate." (Psalm 4:4) I can feel jealousy and I do sometimes but if I'm going to say something mean to or about the person I'm jealous of- then it's sin! Also it says in II Corinthians 10:5 to "take thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ"- We should not continue to dwell on jealous thoughts or other thoughts, that aren't sin in and of themselves but could lead to sin. Martin Luther said,
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
Solomon once said,
"Jealousy is as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame."
Fransis AnFuso said:
Are you struggling with jealousy? The root of jealousy is fear...the fear of being replaced, discarded, no longer needed or valued. Perhaps the most tragic part of being jealous is that we cease seeing our lives from God's perspective. Others may replace us, but no one can take our place in the eyes of God. And in the end, that’s all that really matters. He has made each of us a one-of-a-kind original. When we get our eyes back on God we clearly see who we are created to be. As the psalmist wrote, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14a, ESV) Embracing God's passionate love for you and focusing on who you are to Him, is the best cure for the dead end called: jealousy.
Recently, something else came out of my mouth towards someone I've been angry at for many months but before that I was OK because I was angry but I was talking to God- Bob- and two trusted Spiritual leaders- who weren't going to disclose it to anyone else. But when I lashed out with my tongue I brought myself down to her level. Fortunately, I had a chance to apologize and I did and I know, at least, God forgives me, I can only pray that that person will also.
Reliant K sings a song that goes:
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
"Who I am Hates Who I've Been"
I guess you could call me a "Rules girl"- I'm really very hard on myself and I know much of what I don't do is fine for other Christians- it's just I've made myself a rule not to do that. For example see: One Thing: Why I Hate/Love Men or To Drink or Not To Drink? Lately, however, I've been rethinking many of these rules. In my old post Pray About Everthing I put these words from a Ginny Owens song called, "Own Me":
Got a stack of books so I could learn how to live;
Many are left half-read covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.
And I got a list of laws growing longer everyday;
If I keep pluggin' away, maybe one day I'll perfect myself.
Oh, but all of my labor seems to be in vain;
And all of my laws just cause me more pain;
So I fall before You in all of my shame;
Ready and willing to be changed
Own me, take all that I am,
and heal me with the blood of the Lamb.
Mold me with Your gracious hand;
Break me till I'm only Yours-
I've discovered that God is a God of freedom and I don't have to (And He doesn't want me to) be beating myself up all the time over these rules I've made for myself. Did God say that to me? Or was it just me? In Jeremiah 34:15 it says to "Proclaim liberty, each one to his neighbor". For instance, for a few years I avoided all leopard prints (Except for my PJs- and no! No boys sleeping over would see me in them!) So now I've lifted my ban and I wear leopard print again. I've also decided I may wear a bikini (if Bob says OK) -Hey I'm 47 years old and I've had five babies- if I still look half way decent in a bikini, why shouldn't I wear it at the beach with my hubby and all those hotter younger babes their in their thongs? But back when I was still full of fears of many sorts, I even discontinued coed swimming with those boys. It wasn't very hard since the one I'll call "Will" (You'll understand, if you keep reading) has a severe case of Aquaphobia and can't swim! And speaking of fear, I've actually been afraid of being "hot"- it kinda makes it hard to really work out or eat right when you're afraid of looking good (And you love sweets:). Not to mention being stupid. I'm so tired of being afraid of everything! I'm tired of feeling guilty over men's lust- THEIR LUST IS NOT MY FAULT. I used to not have to work at being "Hot" when I was young- but now I work hard at it- I didn't used to run- now I do. Brittney's right- you want a hot body? You gotta work ------. So, look out boys, it's fixin to get hotter in here!
I even felt bad for sharing this picture of Ann Margaret in the past. Why? What is the matter with me?
Then some months after the "It just got really hot in here" comment one of those same two boys was with her son, his 15 year old sister and "Mom" at the house and saw an old picture of "Mom" and was like "Wow, wow, wow, wow, You know, you look like Scarlett Johansson."
Mom replied, "I wish". I mean really? I look like Meryl Streep (even my female therapist said so). I looked like the "Sexiest Woman alive"? Boy, you need glasses! She's not even a real ginger! I was not, of course, going to turn down this compliment, however, and I told him he looked like Will Smith. I did, at least stop right there and did NOT say how hot I think Will is- You see? I'm a good girl! I already knew this boy is such a flirt! He flirted with my 15 year old, my 24 year old, me and one day he even said to my 10 year old, "You know Lydia? You have the prettiest eyes." Well, yes she does but I felt like saying, "Down boy!" He needed to STOP. I think everyone probably has a celebrity look alike. The other boy? He kinda resembles Matt Damon. Good looking, but not exactly my type, Bob's my type- tall dark and handsome. And anyone who can put up with my craziness is pretty awesome.
Scarlett in "The Nanny Diaries"? Yes, I could so relate to this movie! Not from working with the Kaufman's (who I was actually a live-in nanny with for about 1/2 a year) so much but I babysat for some rich & snobby people in Boca Raton when I was young. I did get "hit on" once or twice by dads (then feeling uncomfortable and sorry for the wives I usually wouldn't work for them again) Mr. Kaufman is a really nice man- though, he was teased by some men friends when Mrs. Kaufman went away by herself once- they were like, "Oh staying home with the kids and the nanny? I don't blame you so would I!" Those dogs!!!
Here I am as "The Nanny"with the Kaufman girls
So a few months after the "Wows & Scarlett" comments, I was having a conversation with Sarah and Claire about "Will". I said, "I like him" Sarah said, "You like him 'cause he flirts with you" -I denied this, after all that was not the only reason. lol But then I about died when my Claire Bear said, "Mom's a cougar". I said, "What?!" She replied, "Nothing"- You know what? THAT comment tore me up and I apologized to Claire for anything I said or did that made her to think that. But I realize now, it wasn't anything I said or did, it was what he said! Why am I apologizing for being hot? My daughters are way hotter than me and it's cause (excuse the Lady Gaga quote) we were born this way! My sons are also "hot" just like their dad. I just had to roll my eyes when one of Claire bear's team mates says (about Ian) "I love it when he takes his shirt off." *sigh* There are many "hot" people in the Bible. For instance, Moses was a beautiful child, Joseph was handsome, probably Samson, Sarah was beautiful, Rachel, Esther, to name a few and those are only the ones that we're told about.
I remember when "Will" turned 18. Ian was giving him a ride to school like everyday. "Will" would also eat at our house about every night too. Will had some of my pumpkin cake once and loved it, so I made him that for his birthday, put about half the cake in a container and set it on the table that morning for him to get when he came over to catch his ride. And I wrote him a note that said, "Happy Birthday".
March 2014 (update) I had said that "Will" and I had a "falling out" (The other boy was really mostly friends with "Will" and not with Ian) and that if he would forgive me I'd teach him to swim and make him another cake. But I was, once again, compromising my "boundaries". It wasn't about his flirting. He had already had a "falling out"with Ian also. Now I say that (reconciliation) could only happen if he admitted his sin and repented first. An apology is in order. See there's a difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. We are called to forgive everyone who wrongs us but we are not called to let people back in our lives who are using us. In 2011-2012 Ian began hanging out with Laura and all his "Goody, Goody" friends (as he himself calls them). In Proverbs it says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed." 13:20 And I am happy to say none of Ian's friends now ever make me feel "uncomfortable" in any way.
Now let's talk about hotness of a different sort- in I Peter 4:8 it says,
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”
In my "Enjoying Everyday Life Bible" Joyce Meyer says,
"The verb form of the Greek word that is translated fervent means, "to be hot, to boil". Our love walk needs to be hot, on fire, and boiling over; not tepid, cold or barely noticeable...Let your love be red- hot. Toward God and toward other people, and as you do, you will not only live in obedience to the Word, you will also be too hot and on fire with God's love for the enemy to handle."
Claire Bear @ about 6 yrs old with a candle
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1
Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him,
Nor speak anymore in His name.”
But His word was in my heart like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding it back,
And I could not. Jeremiah 20:23
“Is not My word like a fire?” says the Lord,
“And like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?" Jeremiah 23:29
Love this song: Burn
I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"
2017 Now I do Cosplay as "Black Widow" Here I am at my first DragonCon