Monday, October 7, 2013

When the Lion Roars

This was recorded on September 27, 2013. I'm telling the story of Daniel in the lions den which is in Daniel 6. It's funny that you can hear Jude and Layla fighting in the back ground and I talked about that in Cat Fights, Canines and Confrontation  because usually in the course of their "wrestling" Jude will try to...The other scriptures I mention are in I Peter 5 and Proverbs 28:1.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Cat Fights, Canines and Confrontation

           “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” Marilyn Monroe


 I said before that all my blog posts go together. They all flow, like one continuous whole. I don't even do this---it's all God. So with that in mind, the story continues.....

It was my turn to "share" at B.A. I stood up and said, "Hi my name is Susan and I'm a bitch" They all said "Hi Susan"
"Today I became so frustrated because my husband won't set boundaries with our son, that I called him a coward and he called me a bitch" So I screamed, "Well I'd rather be a bitch than a coward!" 
                                         Good ol Pinterest!

This is why I ran away to Marietta (and WHO was I calling a "coward"?)- See: Running, Remembering and My Redeemer

I heard  this  quote that's very encouraging, "Well-behaved women seldom make history" (Laurel Thatcher Ulrich) So perhaps there's hope for me?

                                                           Jude playing with Po
A couple weeks ago my DD walked in the house with her puppy (he's a dog but we still call him a puppy) and proclaimed, "After this I'm gona be a cat person" When I inquired about why she said, "Jude was trying to hump the neighbor's Great Dane- he's a boy!"

DD used to not be too bothered by Jude's escapades (usually Layla is the object of his desire) and she'd just say, "He's got 'puppy hormones', he's a teenager"

In my post from two weeks ago I was talking about, Cougars, Cages and Confessions

I said that teenage boys are just attracted to older women (Mom types) and what DD said goes too- they got those raging hormones and so they get confused. I also wrote about my old church and how because of my Average Girl article's honesty and Jared's attraction to me, those at that church made me feel like "the woman caught in adultery". I also wrote about that in, Oh The Irony!  After that happened at our old church, we stayed for another whole year. I forgave them and moved on but it seemed they were still holding a grudge. About a year later someone in the church went to them, accusing them of some very serious things. They should have turned to the Word which says, "Do not receive an accusation against an elder except from two or three witnesses." I Timothy 5:19 and in the words of Jesus Himself, "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." Matthew 18:15-16 Anyways, those people left but the pastor was still terrified- so he tried covering everything up- which just made him look all the more guilty. I knew nothing about it until Sarah had her church friends over- she mostly had church friends back then cause she was homeschooled until we moved in our house (2001) and she became a freshman in public high school. This happened in 2002. So the teenagers enter the picture again and two of the girls over- I think there were about five of them (3 girls- 2 boys?) and the associate pastor's daughter brought it up but simply said, "You'll find out about it tonight" at the Sunday night service. Our old church could very well be described as when we were "under the law" so we were there every time the doors were open-- they frequently reminded us too- that you were "bad" if they had church and you weren't there. I now recognize things like this as being characteristics of a cult- not that this church was a cult but these are 'red flags' showing that there's perhaps some manipulation and control going on. So we went to church that night as we did every Sunday night- they said nothing. I forget all the details but we found that it was OK for my husband to go to the pastor himself and hear the story. They were still avoiding me. Since they treated me like I was a "loose woman" I decided to have alittle fun and winked at the pastor on occasion. Besides he was the one who started it. Funny, I think he's probably the first man I ever winked at 'cause I was still pretty terrified of men back then. Also my Bipolar was untreated too which only increased my rebellious streak. I wasn't at all even attracted to this man. He seemed to tell some women leaders in the church that I was "after him" Bahahahahaha! He needed to take a look at my hottie hubby then take a look in the mirror- seriously?! Nah!

A girl should know her etiquette
Alas, alack
Propriety demands we walk a narrow track
When fellas used to blink at me
I'd freeze 'em and they'd shrink at me
But now when fellas wink at me
I wink at them right back! 

"I Don't Care!" Judy Garlan
                                                                     Judy Garlan

So anyways, we found out what happened, he told Bob and Bob told me. This unintelligent pastor would then, however, allude to what was going on in his sermons! Sometimes I'd be very flattered when his whole sermon (Idk on rebellion perhaps?) would be directed at me! Then he'd preach about the man who left, "Alexander the copper smith did me much harm" 2 Timothy 4. One Wednesday night when we were pretty much decided that we were leaving the church, a friend asked me what was going on. Bob was working over-time, so he wasn't there yet. Bob wasn't good at protecting me or leading me but also I made it pretty impossible, as I wouldn't "submit". Submitting I saw as something I "tried" when I let Bob build the house and it didn't work- so I didn't want to do it anymore. The problem was when my friend asked me what was going on, we were in earshot of the nursery coordinator who was one of those women who thought I was trying to get the pastor. 

There was another Jezebel type woman who didn't like me because they gave me the child she had housed for "Children of the World" and he cried because he wanted to go with her, I said something to her and she was like "it's OK" so I went all the way back to Byron because I had a ham in the oven- Leonard was fine, he stopped crying in like two minutes. Then she writes me a mean letter saying I was "Putting my own needs ahead of a child's" Letter writing is my specialty- better NOT get me started! I shot right back that THAT comment is laughable to anyone who knows me and it is. Was not surprised AT ALL to find out later that "Jezebels" husband left her. That's what happens to "Bitches" who can't even get to step one and "Admit their powerlessness".

 The story about the "Children of the World" is in our 2001 Christmas letter: 2001: A Story Odyssey

 Ever want to "go back in time" and get a "do over"? I so wanted to do that. See when my friend asked the question about what was going on the Jezibels told on me and they sent three deacons (And I had one and a half year old Lydia in my arms) to escort me out of church! And I left in tears! They were angry tears but tears non the less. But what would've happened if I didn't leave? Besides I realize now that they DID NOT have the authority to kick me out of God's House! I'm His child. Isn't this God's house? Well it was- but more and more it was looking like a "Den of thieves". What kind of deacon listens unquestioning to an order to escort a harmless young mother out of church? What hurt even more was one of the men I knew and he knew me- for longer than that pastor was even there. Why didn't he question what the pastor told him to do? "Let me talk to Susan because that really doesn't sound like her at all" I wanted to yell, "Don't drink his coolaide!" as I left. Below is a poem I wrote about them back then:


You are to be a spiritual guide
Why is it that you tell lies?
Should not the shepherds
Feed the sheep?
Instead you lead them astray
In fear of losing your reputation
You send them all away
What has lead to the strife among you?
Is it not your selfishness and pride?
But for all these Christ died.
Turn to Him and He will pardon.
And cleanse us from all our sins
Peace He will return to you
If you will only turn to Him.

 God is the God of second chances and He gave me that do over! See: Another True Story: Oh the Irony!

But now I have a new story because something similar happened to my friend Melody (Not her real name) last year. Melody is about my age- abit younger than me actually and she's gorgeous. She's never struggled with her weight like me. She has a handsome hubby and two teenagers. It was much worse for Melody because she was at her church's recovery group and shared about her son's friend making a pass at her and she confessed that she flirted back and they made her go to the sex- addicts group! Seriously! And she went! They talked about something called "relationship addiction" and she thought they were experts. Like myself, Melody has only had sex with her husband! Is this really THAT rare? I hope not. I'm like, "Melody, I don't know that much about it but I don't think you're THAT" So we both started reading stuff, like I said in my "Cats and Dogs" post back in January I read this book but it didn't really have a definite way to diagnose yourself. But if you google it, there's a ton of online tests and what we found were questions like this:

·  Do you believe you have a sexual problem?*
 ·  Do you often justify or minimize the extent or type of your sexual and romantic behaviors to yourself or others?
 ·  Do you often find yourself preoccupied and distracted by sexual thoughts when you do not wish to be?
 ·  Do you regret the time and energy you spend in the pursuit of sex or romance?

Have your sexual or romantic behaviors ever caused physical or emotional harm to anyone - including spouses and long-term partners?

Whoa Melody! No, THAT IS NOT YOU! I have felt myself that "there but for the grace of God goeth I"- I could have been that- but THANK-YOU JESUS- He saved me when I was 17 years old before I could become a sex addict! For that I am eternally grateful!!!! Praise God, I am a child of the One True King!!!

Well, Melody said from the beginning that she felt as if the lady in charge of the recovery group didn't like her. But Melody is alot like me, in that, she's insecure, so perhaps it was all in her head? But then she told me that this lady called her to a meeting to talk to her about the group and she was very condescending and asked her a bunch of questions and Melody just politely obliged her, giving her the benefit of the doubt but this weirdness just continued when she kept on Melody when ever she so much as coughed (Don't interrupt group time!), was 2 minutes late or missed a class. Then she told her she had to have a sex addict sponsor and couldn't have a Codependency sponsor- (cause Melody is Codependent like myself and many people) and there was only one sex addict sponsor available and she was younger than Melody. This was the meeting where Melody had had it! She calmly stood up, looked at the two (overweight) ladies, said she was done with this recovery group and that the women there needed a compassionate leader like the men seemed to have, said she'd be praying for them and left. I don't know that I could've done that, I think I may have told them what groups they should go to and that I'd be happy to sponsor THEM.

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Taylor Swift

On Anne Graham Lotz facebook recently I saw photos of her at a church in California with this caption, "Anne sharing on wounded Christians and those who have been wounded by Christians."  Anne wrote a book titled  "Wounded by God's People" which you may purchase at her website:  Anne Graham Lotz 

But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
Rejoice not against me, O my enemy! When I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light to me.
I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold His righteous deliverance.
Then my enemy will see it, and shame will cover her who said to me, Where is the Lord your God? My eyes will see my desire upon her; now she will be trodden down as the mire of the streets. Micah 7:7-10

The Woman’s stuck inside her house-
The woman’s stuck inside her house,
Can someone please coax her out?
She thinks she’s free but she’s not
What is this? Just her sad lot?
‘Peace’ and ‘love’, she says is the way,
But ‘war’ and ‘hate’ she speaks all day.
The Beatles sang of “Nowhere Man”
This woman’s also in his land.
Can someone help to stop her pain?
If scarecrow only had a brain.
She talks down from her ‘high horse’
She can’t understand what she does, of course.
She’s stuck in “I- ME-MY” land,
While others try to take her hand.
She talks of ‘open-mindedness’
Yet closes the door on their kindness.
Lonely? Jealous? Could she be?
Yet she has lots of company,
Anger, Fear, Anxiety,
She says you hide in your piety.
She judges and says ‘Do not judge’
She says she doesn’t like to debate,
But she starts it up, she is too late.
They say you become
What you focus on.
Well then, I won’t worry about her,
I’m gone.
Are you offended?
You shouldn’t be
Because this poem is about me!

I am a fighter
I won round one
 ready to go back in the ring-
God on my side is all I need.
God has opened my eyes to see
there are more with me than against!
So go ahead -hit me with your best shot!
God has got my back!
His power is what YOU lack
Through Him I can do anything-
He gives me everything
He is the Lord, the God of all mankind!
nothing is too hard for Him!

Continue to my next short posts for more on FEAR and don't miss Don't Apologize For Being Hot for more on THIS subject. For part 3: Cowards, Codependency and UnConditional Love