Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Who Holds Your Heart?

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you.....
You hold me without touch- You keep me without chains....
Sara Barielles

This is Part 3 in my "King of Hearts" posts: The King of Hearts
and The King of Hearts (Part 2) What Would You Ask For?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

Was it the best part of my week or the worst? Or both? Ambivalence! Men drive me crazy! WHY does this stuff happen to me!? I'm STILL reeling. Wow- I sure didn't see that coming! My life is truly Stranger than fiction. But more on that later. Right now I want to talk some more about Abraham and Sarah to continue from my February post. In that post I talked about how Abram passed off his beautiful wife Sarai as his sister because he was afraid. That story is in Genesis 12. I was wondering how the pharaoh found out that Sarai was the cause of his troubles? You know what I think? She told him. The Bible doesn't say but I think she did because Sarai obeyed Abram in saying she was his sister, as she was, they had the same father but different mothers. Having more than one wife was a common practice back then. But Sarai knew it was wrong to become pharaoh's wife and have sex with him, so I think she told him that the plague was because of her. What pharoah said to Abram, "I might have taken her as my wife" makes me think this, but, of course, I could be wrong.

I also quoted I Peter in that February post: Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. I Peter 3:3-6

I've been thinking more about that story and Sarai whose name was changed to Sarah in chapter 17 of Genesis. This is also the chapter where God says to Abram (who was then 99 years old!), “I am Almighty God; walk before Me and be blameless."And you know what? Abraham and Sarah had made quite a few "blunders" before that, so I think this helped. If God asks something of you, He doesn't "leave you in the lurch". He'll help you to do it. Amen!

This is what happened BEFORE God changed their names:

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai. Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan. So he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress became despised in her eyes. Genesis 16:1-4

What a mess! Sarai what on earth were you thinking? Who does stuff like this? The day I give my hubby another woman will be the day hell freezes over. And the day he gets himself another woman will be the day he says goodbye to this woman forever! Excuse me, but I aint sharing my man with nobody!

Then in verse 5 Sarai says to Abram, “My wrong be upon you! I gave my maid into your embrace; and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes. The Lord judge between you and me.”

What!? But it was your brilliant idea Sarai! But ah, the man is to be the leader in the home and the one to say, "Sarai why would I want your ugly maid? I only love you. God is going to give us a baby, be patient." The man is to be the "Spiritual leader" and the one to reassure his wife when things get tough. Just like "Danny's Song":

And in the morning, when I rise
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright
(Loggins & Messina)

So Abram said to Sarai, “Indeed your maid is in your hand; do to her as you please.” And when Sarai dealt harshly with her, she fled from her presence.

Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur. And He said, “Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

She said, “I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress Sarai.”

The Angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand.”

Genesis 16:6-9

Again, I find this so interesting! Again, Sarai comes out smelling like a rose. Hagar had to go back? But Sarai "dealt harshly with her"? Sarai is the queen of her castle, "whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror." And when it was time for the bonds woman and her son to go, Sarah said so and God said to Abraham, "Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice..." Genesis 21:12

Which reminds me of the wise words of my neighbor, Mr. King, "Women are smarter than men" AMEN! Mr. King also told me how his sons treat their mother. Mr. King is almost 70 years old (His sons are about my age) and has a voice like Johnny Cash. He says, "They may let a bad word slip when they're out in the shop with me but in there around their mother it's "Yes Maam" and "No Maam" "Can I do anything for you Mom?" Mr King also told me to look in the mirror and asked me what I saw. We were moving the bed Miss Fran gave me into my basement. I didn't know at the time that it was for Bob. He left the next day and a couple weeks ago he took the bed over there to the other house. After reassuring me that he wasn't making an advance to me Mr. King said, using some southern term I've forgotten, something like, "If you were my wife I'd be all over you like flies on a cow patty". He said Bob needed to go some where and think about what he was doing and so that happened. It was abit Prophetic. And then Mr. King was like, "How long you reckon you'll be single?" "Oh just until my 'rock singer 'comes to town." Nah, I didn't say that, I said,

I never will marry
I'll be no man's wife
I expect to live single
All the days of my life...(Linda Ronstadt)

So it was a Saturday night when I met 'the rock singer' and I have to say I was siced. I told him I've been a fan for a long time. (He was in a different band before this one). My kids were raised on this guys music! I was bringing in chairs from the sequoia when I saw him leaving his bus. He held out his hand for me to shake and I hugged him. OK- my bad. But I am a "hugger"- I hug both men and women but I usually am more careful when I hug men and try to give them a side hug or just hug their neck.

I told him I was a writer and trying to get published. I even gave him my card (which has my number on it- *gasp*). BTW- My card has a tiny picture of my whole family on it, including Bob. Bob jokingly asked if I got his number. I said, "No" and left it at that. Bob had said that for my writing to make any money, I had to already be somebody famous or related to somebody famous. I needed "connections". Hmmmmmm? This could be a good "connection", huh? He said I could "hang out" with him after the show.

After the show, I got our photo taken and he put his arm around me, when he pulled away from that I felt a light (sensual?) rub on my back. Whoa! Was that was a "meaningful touch"? Joyce Meyer said women need twelve of them a day. And I'm hardly getting any at all. Are you kidding me!?

Is 'the rock singer' coming on to me?! It must be my vivid imagination? Why am I married to a man who makes me feel unwanted? It's been too long but I must hold out longer, cause I believe God and that good things come to those who wait. This is definitely NOT what I'm holding out for- which is love. This is lust.

He said it was great meeting me and that he hoped to see me again. OK. Like the next time you come to Georgia? Your next tour? Then he said he had to go to his bus. Is he going to ask me to walk him to his bus? TBH- I did want to talk to him longer. No OK. Thankfully I'm finally in a place right now where I'm done groveling. I'm self sufficient and self confident. If someone wants to be my friend, they'll act like it. Perhaps "friendship" wasn't what the 'the rock singer' was after? I know I'm most beautiful when I just walk away. So I did.

Someone online said about him,
I agree, he is strange, but his music is strangely compelling...
I concur, as is he himself.

"It isn't the fact of having temptations that should cause us shame, but what we do with them. Temptation is an opportunity to conquer. When we eventually reach the goal to which we are all striving, God will look us over , not for diplomas, but for scars…." Peter Marshall, from "A Man Called Peter" 

Why do us girls sometimes have this fascination with the "Bad boys"? I guess we'd like to think, "that boy will clean up good" and it does seem "Opposites attract" and the "Bad boy" wants to "Make some good girls go bad" But technically speaking we're all, "bad" "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) And sometimes even very "Good Christians" don't want to hang around with the "squeaky clean". I mean, why make yourself look bad? Right? Girls! Don't sell yourself short! Find a good guy who will give you the respect you deserve!

There's a book of fiction by Francine Rivers called, "Redeeming Love" that's about a beautiful prostitute in the 1800s. The whole book (fiction) is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible. "A powerful retelling of the story of Gomer and Hosea, Redeeming Love is a life-changing story of God's unconditional, redemptive, all-consuming love." And I hardly ever read fiction, but I read this. Some of it Bob and I actually read together. I just felt I could so relate to the character, Angel, not that I was ever a prostitute. NO. In fact, I've only "been" with my hubby. But just the feeling that men are only interested in One Thing. So they are only concerned with your outward appearance and NOT concerned with your heart. OK (Spoiler warning!) I find it very interesting that, "Angel" needed to get away from her awesome, godly, most perfect husband for awhile at the end of the book. Why? Because she had set him up as an idol in her life! She needed to become acquainted with her real Savior and King, Jesus. I think this happens to many people and sometimes they never get it straight. Also at the end of the book you find out "Angel"s real name: Sarah, which means, "Princess".

Without implementation, all our Bible studies are worthless. Jesus said, "Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock" (Matthew 7:24, NIV). Jesus also pointed out that God's blessing comes from obeying the truth, not just knowing it. He said, "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them" (John 13:17, NIV). The Purpose Driven Life

True- Do not be hearers only deceiving yourselves. James

Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
Isaiah 61:1


I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day to cry aloud on the housetop. I ceased to be lord over myself. I was no longer the captain of my soul, and did not know it. I allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace...There is only one thing for me now, absolute humility. Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4

You are bigger than any battle I'm facing
You are better than anything I've been chasing
Savior and royalty, the only hope in me
Jesus, You are, You are
The King of my heart, heart
The King of my heart, heart

Your love is deeper than the ocean
You wash away my brokenness
Your arms are always open
Come and rule in me
Come and be my king

Love and The Outcome

He's my hiding place :-)

So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him. Psalm 45:11

King and Crown
Poet, rocker, movie star
I know exactly who you are

I google you and a million pics pop up
After 20 minutes do you think you know me?

I am much more than what you see
What is it that you seek?
For I am NOT your average Jesus Freak
Perhaps you see the fear and longing in my eyes?
But I am so tired of lies
Yes, there's a ring on my finger
Yet my heart is cold
Sometimes I feel fat and old
Bad Boy, Believer? Philanderer?
But I am no better than you
We are just the same, we two
Sinners saved by simple grace
Do you want to see me again?
How can you see me again
When you missed me the first time?
It seemed like you knew me
But you looked right through me 
It's all my fault of course
My daughters know I'm a bad dresser
Forever the second guesser
I shouldn't hug strangers
I didn't see the danger
Until you said, I'll see you later
I felt the light touch on my back
Don't dwell on all the things you lack!
Could this be a Satanic attack?
The chills go down my spine
I hear the hubby say, You are mine!
There's tension in the air
I want to walk you to your bus
I hear the dark haired one again, What about us?
I'm through with you,
If you had come I wouldn't be hanging here on this cliff
I'm listening to him
Saying he wants to see me again
That voice! OMG- Help!
Come on Susan! Make a choice!
The right one- Wake up!
Saying, Remember Me?
King and Crown
One day we'll meet
Don't let what the Can O' Worms says go to your head
He just wants you in his bed
This man's a mess
A 'hot mess' just like you
But the King desires my beautiful heart
He deliverers me
We'll never part
The princess is all glorious within
She doesn't want to sin
She only wants to honor HIM
I'll worship my King
Forever I'll sing
My heart overflows with this theme
So to you I'll say 'good-bye'
Jesus loves both you and me
Surrender all to Him and you'll see
He makes us all royalty

And I am still a fan of you
Just not what you do
Most importantly He is too!


Perhaps if I went out like this. I wouldn't get hit on? No, I will keep wearing make-up but  I will definitely dress more conservatively next time. And no hugging strangers!

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31


A Dream Come True
I know you
At least I thought I did
Or was it a dream?
Is it love?
Or wishful thinking
Perhaps possession?
Or maybe obsession
Whatever it was, it died
And needs resurrection
Or not
I thought I was alone but I realize now I'm not
I thought I was unloved- but I AM NOT
Only disrespected
So I did the unexpected
It takes time to earn back trust
He gives me patience
As I wait on Him
Willing to relinquish you
I surrender all
He renews my strength like the eagles
And He won't let me fall
If I know You
I know what You'll do
You'll love me no matter what
It's true
I'm wide awake now

My book of poetry is also on Amazon: The Seven Story Tree

I can't believe sometimes how song writers write MY STORY. It has to be Him. It happened again today when I heard this and the tears flowed: House of their Dreams by Casting Crowns 

Here is a more on that: Dream Home 

Friday, March 7, 2014

Dreams Part 2: The Glorious Story

For Part 1 Dreams: Sowing and Reaping

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.
Don't let them in, don't let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know! Let It Go  (Elsa) from Disney's "Frozen"

 Lilo: "'Ohana" means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind." But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though.
[looking at her picture of her dead parents]
 Lilo: I remember everyone that leaves. From the Disney movie, "Lilo and Stitch" 

Why are movies so appealing to us? Why do we love all the heroes and the villains? Why are the popular movies so "popular"? I think it's because the hero (or heroine) are portrayed as humans just like us, they have "flaws" but they always conquer their "fatal flaw" and come out on top- They discover what they were "made" for. And isn't that what we all desire?

Right now I'm reading "What On Earth Am I Here For? The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Our whole church (Well mostly) is doing it. Rick says, "People who don't know their purpose try to do too much- and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict...It is impossible to do everything people want you to do. You have just enough time to do God's will. If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do. Purpose-driven living leads to a simpler lifestyle and a saner schedule.....Knowing your purpose focuses your life." I can't wait to go to Joanne's tonight for this small group study!

                                      LOOK! IT'S A TREE!

Having courage is so invigorating and weird. I guess cause I've never had so much before. Writing and therefore studying and thinking about fear has transformed me!

Back in September a facebook app sent me this:

Today, Susan, we believe God wants you to know that ...
family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them.

Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, - who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

 I guess it was about two weeks ago I finally sent my niece a book on dreams and visions that I found at Gottwals book store here in Byron. She had been having very interesting and frightening dreams and I had told her that they do mean something and that she should ask God about them. I had in mind two scriptures to share with her, to write in the cover. One I had already- well kinda- it's in Daniel and says, "...there is a God in heaven who reveals secrets..." Daniel 2:28. then the other one I knew was in the book of Joel and says,
"And it shall come to pass afterward
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions." Joel 2:28

Both the scriptures I looked for were in chapter 2, verse 28 and I thought that was interesting and thought February 28th is coming up. I wonder?.....And then something very significant DID happen last Friday, February 28th. And what was so weird was that this is something that I thought would simply DEVASTATE me and it DID NOT. In fact, I felt like it freed me! It was so so so so weird! It was a "light bulb" moment for me. Why did I feel so free that I was giddy? My spouse had become my addiction long ago and when I let him go (I didn't try to talk him out of it or call or text him) I was finally free.

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. I Corinthians 7:15

It's funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I am free! Elsa

But before the 28th was the 25th and something significant happened on that day also. And you know what? The 25th was a bad day and the 28th was a great day! On the 25th I gave in and gave up and had a pity party. I ran away, just like before it didn't work then and it didn't work now. When will I learn? I've said it myself before: I'm done going to pity parties; BOTH yours and mine but I will pray for you....
I will say one thing for myself though, this time I was crying to the right Person, at least- God. When I cried to him (a mere man) he did what he usually does: NOTHING. Not a word or a touch to comfort me. Which said to me, "Yeah they're all mad at you again and it's your own fault cause you're a bitch"

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes. Psalm 118

But having an all night cry session in an abandoned ruined rental house did something to me. I felt like noone cared about me- which isn't true- but believing the devil's lies lead to sin. (See Genesis 3:4) So I texted someone who I thought did care about me. What?! OMG! Now I don't even know how to do that thing they call "sexting" so don't even go thinking untrue stuff about me, K?! This was an innocent friendly sort of text. I couldn't even bear to say it was the hubby I had a problem with and I blamed it mostly on my son. The text may have been a tiny tiny tad "flirty". I needed a "fix" real bad- so I "fell off the wagon". Someone reading it wouldn't even guess it was "flirty" at all, except for our secret "code words". But that's over- deleted the number and the texts. Told the hubby again- Why? TBH- I tell him all the time to get a reaction (or try to get one). Does this man feel anything?!  Last Friday I said something about it: Know what? I'm being easier on myself. I need BALANCE. Before I'd make a tiny infraction and beat myself up over it forever. punish myself. I think back in the day, like Martin Luther- they had whips -they'd whip themselves with! Yeah I was like that! And when ever anything is wrong between me and somebody? IT MUST BE ALL MY FAULT- Cause I'm slime right? NO! I'M NOT I AM A CHILD OF THE ONE TRUE KING! It was probably an itsy bitsy tiny tiny infraction- but Thank God for His Grace! I'm forgiving myself and forgetting about it!

Is there something or someone you're hiding from or running from, because you are fearful? Remember this verse from Deuteronomy 31:6 (MSG) "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." From "Hope for the Broken Heart"s facebook page.

Then Sunday I had another small setback. It was another temptation for me. This is why I couldn't have bared this before, because I thought I wouldn't be complete without a man in my life. I was finally to the place Katy Perry sings about; I need nothing to complete myself, no.
I Corinthians 10:13 was K-Loves verse of the day Thursday: "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." I write about temptation quite frequently. What I find interesting about this verse is the phrase that says God "will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able". That speaks to me of "humility" which I spoke of in that last link and I also wrote about here. It's saying, "OK there IS a point I wouldn't be able to bear"  And I can testify to this since, although, every time I fight with my husband a cute guy suddenly appears, when I'm at my lowest point they are unavailable for whatever reason- gone- cause I knew I had a "problem" with that person sometimes but sometimes God steps in and makes that person go away. This happened with "Michael" because I wasn't to my lowest point in our "house-building trauma" at the point I met him, that came later and he was gone. And TBH when I get to that "low point" like on the 25th- I'll be like, "Now where'd that guy go?" Thank You Jesus- he's unavailable!

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.~ Psalm 34:19

The book of Hebrews says of Jesus, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." 4:15 Now THAT says to me that if He was tempted in "all points" as we are that He must have been tempted sexually just as we are.

Sometimes especially when I was at 195-200 lbs. I was like, "What do I have to do for you guys to leave me alone? Dress like an Amish woman?" Because overweight didn't make my "problem" go away like I thought it would. I wouldn't get as many "passes" perhaps but I still wanted them. It didn't solve MY part of the problem- which was the only thing I could change.

Sunday? I didn't even do what I was going to do. This was premeditated flirting which I wanted to do right in front of Bob- how terrible is that? He acts as though he doesn't care because I usually do (when I'm a good girl) but if I flirted back- if I like the guy back then it's not OK. Even though I didn't do it it brought me down that night. When the devil gets us to do his bidding. When we lose our courage and run- we get depressed! I'm finding that courage brings me joy and "The joy of the Lord is my strength" Nehemiah 8:10 Listen to my Bible study about Elijah Was it just a "coincidence" that Elijah got depressed after he ran from Jezebel? I don't think so.

Then on Monday God used my analogies on me: I was feeding my cats and there was an itsy bitsy spider  by the cat food container and I knew God was speaking to me and I immediately swished it before it could run under the fridge. Then I was sorting the laundry again and was annoyed that Teddy keeps throwing his laundry down and mixing it up with ours, so I put his dirty laundry in a basket with a note that read: Teddy, this is dirty- please quit throwing your laundry down the chute- only towels. Thanks! I lifted the basket up and felt something crawl on my hand EKKKKK. It was another itsy bitsy spider about the same color as my hand! And I exclaimed, "Are you kidding me?!" knocked it off my hand and swished it too. 

 It was like God was saying to me, "See Susan there's always gona be someone who will flirt with you, there will always be spiders, dogs or a Can O' Worms just waiting to be opened but didn't you say it was time to take your own advice? Love alone is worth the fight, isn't it? Do you want to be able to say you gave it your best shot? Or do you want to put nails in your marriages coffin?"

But God what about my story? He blew it all to bits! I can't write about You restoring our marriage if our marriage is down the drain. God what do I do now?
"Susan, what did I tell you to do?"
 You said to send it in to.....Is that really what You said God?
What do I tell them?
"Tell the truth Susan."
God I'm stuck on chapter 2 on virtue because I don't know how much to tell.
"Tell the truth, Susan. The whole truth and nothing but the truth."
 God, I'm scared.
"You know we've already talked about that, read your scriptures over again every day if you have to. Everything happens for a reason Susan. The story's not over yet. It's 'stranger than fiction'- they're gona love it, Susan, I promise you."
But God what can I tell them about the ending?
"It's a surprise Susan, don't 'spoil' it!"

The other day I heard this new Steven Curtis Chapman song on the radio:

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

Steven Curtis Chapman- Glorious Unfolding

All this controversy with Katy Perry at the Grammys- wow- am I sorry I mentioned her? No, because her stuff continues to just "go" with what I'm writing, like she says,
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only...Katy Perry, "Dark Horse"
It would be kinda nice to be treated like a "god" wouldn't it? But the ten commandments say You shall have no other gods before Me

"If you become a necessity (like a "god"?) to someone else’s life, you are out of God’s will." Oswald Chambers, “My Utmost for His Highest”

Just like the band Switchfoot's name I didn't even know what a "dark horse" was- so I looked it up:

 A dark horse is a little-known person or thing that emerges to prominence, especially in a competition of some sort or a contestant that seems unlikely to succeed.

Switchfoot also has a song about "Dark Horses";
We’re singing…
Hey, you can’t count us out
We’ve been running up against the crowd
Yeah, we are the dark horses
We’re singing…
Wait, don’t care what they say
We know we’ll find a way
Yeah! We are the dark horses

I was reading while walking on the treadmill the other day and THIS jumped out at me, "I believe in me. I'm no longer afraid. I can cope regardless of the outcome. I know something I'm not talking about. I've had my day of sorrow and I'm through crying. God and I can handle whatever life puts in the path."

"By making it clear that there are limits to what you will tolerate, you are showing self-respect and confidence"

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Ours is the Savior who sings of us, of the woman who won't walk away from the unjust judge, the woman who will not walk away from the call, from the plea, the women who never give up, who just keep on keeping on — and He says she is honored and His, the woman who just keeps going and giving and believing in grace. Ann Voscamp

“Arise, and do not be afraid.” Jesus (Mark 17:7)

Arise, for this matter is your responsibility. We also are with you. Be of good courage, and do it. Ezra 10:4

You'll never see me cry. Elsa
From the Disney movie, "Frozen"

Refrain your voice from weeping, And your eyes from tears; For your work shall be rewarded, says the LORD, And they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope in your future, says the LORD, That your children shall come back to their own border. Jeremiah 31:16-17 
Let it go, let it go.
And I'll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand, in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway
"Let it Go" From the Disney movie, "Frozen"

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...Sara Bareilles

I don't know what's going to happen, but that's OK. I'm accepting the fact that my family maybe broken. I can only do my part, I'm not doing his anymore. I'm not going to enable his passivity and irresponsibility. Since I am the head of this house, the queen of my castle, then I'm not going to allow someone coming in here undermining my authority and shaming me into submission!

Stitch: This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.  From the Disney movie, "Lilo and Stitch" 

As I said in Why I Hate/Love Men the Disney princess I really want to be is Merida from the movie, "Brave". Perhaps my "Fate" is changing?

Deep waters hold reflections
Of times lost long ago

I will hear their every story
Take hold of my own dream
Be as strong as the seas are stormy
And proud as an eagle's scream

I will ride, I will fly
Chase the wind and touch the sky 

Touch the Sky From the Disney movie, "Brave"

I'm reposting an old poem from Cats and Dogs
because it goes so well and this has been my life for the past 27 years but keep reading because my new poem is at the bottom.

The Woman You gave me....
You tell us to dress modestly?
Yet my man looks at pornography?
Get a job!
No, stay at home!
You're damned either way!
Fry the bacon up in a pan,
Make you feel like a man,
It's his world you know?
Have your babies naturally,
Nurse them, it's more healthy, see?
Never say, "What about me?"
Live your life selflessly-
Barefoot, pregnant,
And when you're not you should be rail thin,
So you only cook for him,
Shut the door, come right back in,
Car pool, help out everyone, volunteer, yeah it's so fun!
Yet you're always on the run,
Tired, exhausted, disillusioned,
A desperate plea, "Lord help!"
"ENOUGH!" He says, "Peace be still!"
Who are you living for? Them or Me?
Do you want to be made free?
Guard your heart, it belongs to Me!
You give respect, now demand it back,
Don't dwell on all the things you lack,
You are perfect to me!
Teach your kids, your husband too,
One person can't do it all for you,
To be healthy and sane you must have boundaries,
God's yoke is easy and light!
It's not restrictive and tight!
He leads you on the path that's right,

The song that inspired the poem: Pink- Perfect

Oh no it's dead!
I killed it
What do I do?
God? Are You here?
It was beaten down so long
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
Like a storm or a breeze.
I could so easily freeze.
But no I melt
At the thought of One Who loves so much
So much more than just a teenage crush
He freed me
So I fall to my knees
He's the only One I want to please
My Maker is my husband
He even heals Stockholm Syndrome
I don't believe in lies
Little girl ARISE
And the story has only just begun
Now take the ball and run

For Part 3 On Dreams See: Dream Home