Sunday, May 24, 2015

Make Me Thy Fuel Flame of God by Amy Carmichael

 Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God
by Amy Carmichael 

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, Free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

It's Just Another day...

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies....
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31: 10, 27


6:20 am wake Lyd up

6:30 am wake Lyd up

6:35 am wake Lyd up- this time don't leave til you see her feet on the floor!

We go to leave and Suzy Q's battery is dead. We're already late anyways. Thankfully Claire Bear hasn't left yet so I take the accord to take Lyd to school. Ian's also here with his little beat up used to be Teddy's- civic.

When I'm finishing my quiet time, the lady from the bank calls- about the mortgage payment on the rental- which I got tenants for again- all by myself- again- Yay! The line of credit I was letting pay the mortgage wasn't enough to cover the payment this time. I had forgot there was a small balance on that line of credit already. I needed to go to the banks and rearrange the money again. My mom used to call this "Borrowing from Peter to pay back Paul" The burden of managing all the money by myself has taken it's toll. It's alot when you have two mortgages, insurances, taxes, the kids car insurances, multiple credit card payments, electric and water at home AND at the rental ETC.. I finally set up many of these with automatic payments but need to make sure the moneys in the bank when they are going to come out. He also refuses to do anything with the rental house lately- you'd think he could get alot done when he was living there for over a month but he didn't. It's like he doesn't want the money stress to leave because he wants me to be constantly pressured to get a job. Hello! THIS IS A FULL TIME JOB!

The sequoia actually started after I came back from school. But then it didn't so I put it on the charger.

Claire Bear came home and was about to make herself a quesadilla when I said, "Do you want me to go get you some food?" Yes, I got her ice-cream at DQ. (Of course I had to take her accord to do this) She's graduating from highschool and going to basic training (For the US Army) in the next few weeks so excuse me if I spoil my baby! I also got Ian ice-cream and me a burger. After I ate I went to the banks. Then I walked at the park at an unusual time for me and anyone for that matter! No one was there and it was HOT. I usually go in the morning or evening when the whole town of Byron's there!

Meanwhile, I had sorted out the laundry and started it. Strangely enough the only person's laundry I should be doing is probably the only one who does her own laundry- Lydia whose 14. I am still doing Bob's and my 18 yr old's (Claire Bear) and Ian's since he's home.

I got home from the park and I was going to take a shower and make dinner. Bob had bought a family pack of boneless/skinless chicken breast- 5 lbs of chicken! I decided to cook it all and make quesadillas with half and chicken salad with half.

Before I could go in the shower, however, the phone rang. It was Sarah saying her battery was dead. Sarah works nights at the hospital- she's a nurse- this time of the afternoon, she's getting up to run errands and whatnot. So I took Suzy Q and her weak battery over to Sarah's to jump start her and it worked!

Finally back home for my shower but the soap is almost gone, so I go in the kids bathroom....OMG! What a mess! I remember a few weeks ago, cleaning my shower with the toilet bowl cleaner which gets it beautifully sparkling and saying to them that they needed to do theirs....Obviously they didn't and the toilet was gross too. I cleaned the toilet and decided to put the stuff on their shower, scrub a little (All you need do with that powerful stuff!) and let them rinse it. I mixed lysol toilet bowl cleaner with some clorox toilet bowl cleaner and I could barely scrub and then I had to run out side it smelled overpowering! I thought I might pass out, but thankfully didn't.

Then took my shower and started the quesadillas. I called Claire Bear and she made the salsa. It was really yummy. I had only six tortillas so when Bob came home, he went out and got more.

In between everything I'm putting the laundry in the dryer, taking it out and putting another load in.

Before  I was done with dinner, I was exhausted! I didn't feel like making the chicken salad. They were saying they didn't like it that much. I still need to clean up the kitchen and fold the laundry. Bob and I watched the season finale of Bates Motel while I folded the laundry. To my credit one week I did ONLY fold my laundry and put Claire's and Bob's in baskets and put them outside their bedroom doors. But I didn't really mind folding while I watched this show- for the last time- it's the Season Finale and I'm not gona start watching it when it starts again. I said a couple times I was gona stop watching Bates and The Returned but the characters had drawn me in and the DVR recorded it and I needed something to watch while I folded....while I watched that I got a text about picking up the fried chicken for the soccer banquet on Monday. Check. There was chicken in a pan in the fridge Bob had made on Sunday I put into separate containers and I cut up the rest of the chicken breast put some in the fridge to put in salad or quesadillas etc and some in the freezer for later. I cleaned up the kitchen a little and left the dishes to do this morning.

By the end of this day. I was tired but also thankful for all I accomplished. I also realized I would enjoy this for now cause in a few short months everything would be different cause I'd either have only one other person to care for or nobody else to care for  and I'd be completely independent!

I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book: The Seven Story Tree: A Book of Poetry

My Aim and Hope

Cook, Clean, Study, Sing
Work-out, Write, Remember, Repeat
Love, let go, Forgive, Forget
Have no regret,
Jesus, Joy, Strength, Stability
Never wasting your ability
Pray, Praise, Play all Day
King and Crown,
One day we'll meet
And I'll lay it all at his feet


Throw the match
Set the past ablaze
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
My tears have turned my heart to rust
Sometimes I don't want to go
But I must
Everything's on fire
Like the woods
the Summer he came home
There's a burn ban til October
No matter- don't mind- no fine
Crash crash
It's smashed- totally trashed
That old dream has died
He said he loved me, but he lied
The white picket fence has gone up in flame
And I'm the only one to blame
I am suffocating
Desperate for air
The wolf chews off her leg to get free of the trap
They're just waiting for her to snap
Her wings were clipped and burned
But now her fate has turned
Who died? I did
Cause they hurt me so bad
It's like they murdered my past
And threw dirt on my casket
How curious to be free
There are no strings on me
My future is unlimited
To the sky
I will fly
So high
Looking down on the ruins
I find Him there
This time I won't come crashing down
to the ground
I will glide with the winds currents
Blowing here and there
Flowing in the Spirit
You hear the sound of it
But cannot predict where it will leave it's effects next