Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Fixing Holes

I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday....The Beatles

So what an awesome day I had! I had an interview this morning. I think it went well, we will see.

So I had a "Message from God" tonight that said:

Today we believe God wants us to know that encouragement is important.

Everybody needs to be encouraged, including you. Keep doing the best you can, you've got what it takes and you are going to make it. Remember to encourage others to pursue their own dreams. Build each other up, encouragement is important.

It IS! And today was encouraging. Except for that lady at the pool but on an up note I've cleared out so many negative people from my life! And that is so awesome! Unbelievable that this very lady I see at the pool used to be my best friend! That's how messed up I used to be! So used to negative people that I kept befriending them! You know that old saying, "With friends like that, who needs enemies"? Yeah, been there done that and I'm done with all that!!!! Thank you Jesus! Free at last!!!!

See the people standing there
Who disagree and never win
And wonder why they don't get in my door

Things are different for me lately and I'm getting used to it all. And IT IS GOOD!

After my interview I had an appointment with my therapist. I really like her. I won't have to go see her for always but while going through this rough patch I do. She only has to listen to me for 45 mins per session and she confirms many things for me. She does NOT encourage me to be a bitch as she's been accused of. In fact she's said many times if we (Bob and I) could stay together and work things out that is what her goal as a "Marriage and Family Therapist" IS. Yet he would nod his head at her and not do a thing she said. He continued to let our son disrespect me, belittle me, accuse me and let him run the house. I finally decided really after only a month of that that I needed to move out. It was all I could do. The last and only consequence I had left. I couldn't do anything and I was miserable! Like a prisoner in my own house I no longer even controlled where my furniture went or my trash can! I was told (repeatedly) I was a terrible house keeper and mother! 

So Sad, So Sad,
Sometimes She Feels So Sad.

I couldn't stop giving him money as his dad would give it to him. I couldn't kick him out or call the cops, so I just had to move out. My therapist was telling me to stay but when it became more and more violent (I was NOT beat up but he kept breaking things to intimidate me) she said I should leave, which confirmed what I had already decided.

And it really doesn't matter if
I'm wrong I'm right
Where I belong

After my therapist I went to Biolife to give blood plasma. This is easy, it saves lives and they pay me! So it's all around a good thing. This thing I do was also criticized! Like giving blood makes me like a prostitute?! I NEEDED to get away from this craziness!!!! 

After Biolife I had a late lunch (Or was it an early dinner?) with a real Christian friend I hadn't seen in too long! Shana, she's a writer like me and one of the two actual followers of this blog!!!! HINT HINT FOLLOW ME PLEASE!!!! Why had I not seen Shana in so long? Part of the reason was my Codependant self was still so busy trying to save the world and "fix" all these dysfunctional people
that I didn't even have time for a healthy REAL friendship. I had too many friends I let USE me all the time. They hardly ever gave back to me. No wonders I always felt empty. My own husband left me lonely and starving for real affection and connection.

                                        Shana gave me a house warming gift! I love it!

While I have more time to myself I'm learning so much! The internet esp YouTube is so educational! I'm learning how to fix the holes in my popcorn ceiling. And also learning more about my Codependent self. Ross Rosenberg has renamed Codependency, Self  Love Deficit Disorder. That so resonates with me and why I'm learning to focus on me, not to be selfish but to heal. I totally lost myself taking care of everyone else! Sometimes I didn't even know what I wanted!

I also love love love this lady: Lisa A Romano

Oh and also want to plug this awesome young lady; Angie Atkinson

I used to be so concerned about what people thought of me I was scared to say anything! Now I write stuff like Me Too!  and I don't care that people may misunderstand and think I'm stuck up or narcissistic (which I also have been accused of! OK Whatever dude!). These things are why I so love my Megan Trainor album, THANK-YOU because it has songs on it about loving yourself like I Love Me

They gon' say all kinds of things
They'll make jokes about my name
They gon' try to clip my wings, but I'm gon fly, I'm gon' fly
They'll try to play me like a game
I'll bet they're too scared of the fame
But I can see clear when looking at the mirror, saying God made me just right

I also love this one by Demi Lovato: What's wrong with being confident?

So you say I'm complicated
That I must be outta my mind
But you've had me underrated
Rated, rated

And then after getting caught up with Shana, I went home and spent some time with my puppy, Bandie and then I went to the Cantrell Center to swim a mile. Cause I'm a mermaid!

So maybe your wondering what the negative talk was about? (at the pool) Totally unhelpful and not encouraging this lady had to bring up (because she's a very prejudiced  person) that if I got the other  job that I was after (not the one I interviewed for today) I would have to cover my tattoos Well, know what? Perhaps I don't even want that job after all? I'm not even sure I do now, but not that this person is going to make me NOT pursue this job anymore because I am! I will keep you posted!

*New note: OK so while I do not like the fact that I may have to cover my tattoos, it makes me all the more sure, that God will not have me stay in these jobs long term, unless that is they free me to be ME!

How could I forget?! I said my "Ginger Me" poem  for our (awesome redheaded) waitress and she bought a copy of my book! Yay me! You too may get a copy of my book on Amazon: The Seven Story Tree
 Or by e-mailing me at:

And the Story goes on.....
It comes slowly with every step I take toward obedience to Him
Peace- Joy- Contentment- acceptance of myself
I am NOT unworthy
I am NOT worthless
I am NOT undeserving
I am NOT fat
I have a job with God
I take care of what He blesses me with....

Luck-Chance- Fate?

I believe
It's all in His hands
Mordica just happened to be
In the right place to set his people free
Esther won the heart of the king
Because God made her heart like His
God gives favor or popularity
And not more than it should be
Perhaps you took the glory for yourself?
And that's why He put you on the shelf

The Perfect  Day....
God has me on this journey to Freedom
I'm changing from glory to glory
Til that perfect day
It's like the Underground Railroad
The farther North I get the freer I become...
More Peace, more Joy, more Love
More Power, More of You (Jesus)  in my life!
Less dysfunction and destruction
I am under construction
I will worship You with all my might
The people in darkness have seen a great light
It shines brighter and brighter til the Perfect Day
My tombstone like Ruth's can say,
Construction over- Thank you for your patience!
Those who are first shall be last
Those who humble themselves will be exalted
He who lays his life down- will find it
The lost will be found
The poor will be rich
The cursed shall be blest
The tired can rest
The hungry outcast will come in
And sit at His table
Eat and be satisfied
And his enemies shall see it
Always and Forever His child I shall be!