Sir Isaac Newton-
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Sara Barielles
When GOD pushes you to the edge of difficulty trust him fully because two things
can happen. Either He will catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly
(Kim Gill's facebook) My comment: Love that -Thanks Kim! I'm gona fly!
This morning my dear daughter and I got into the sequoia to go to school and she said, "I dreamed again that (my brother) wanted to come home". My oldest son went to live with his grandma (Bob's mom) in Florida this month and he already has a job at Chick-Fil-A. Thank You Jesus! Then my DD asked, "Do you want him to come home?" I hesitated for a moment and replied, "Not exactly" Then I said, "You know how in the Bible coming 'Home' is like when you come to Jesus? Like the story of the prodigal son?" "Yes" "Maybe it's like that?"
I vacillated again lately. I've memorized a few of my poems and I've been reciting them for people. Someone was at our house recently and he's about to visit Africa where he's from. He noticed the calendar in my library (which was still on March) had an elephant on it. So I said my "What Elephant?" poem for him. But then he did something no one else who I've said the poem for has done. He asked what my "elephant" was! The nerve! Lol Well I sort of "hemmed and hawed" around, "it can be many different things", "any 'habits and hang-ups'" I'm so disappointed in my own COWARDICE! My bad! It's you, OK? Where did I put that particular poem? In my post about my problem with men.
Another NOT coincidence this man has the same first name as my father!!!!!! smh
My writing to me is kinda like "Hansel and Gretel": following the bread crumbs, seeing where they lead, the twists and turns and surprises. As I just heard Jamie Grace singing, "You lead (God) I follow..." Sometimes I start and don't really even know where it's going -keep changing the title and the body, putting in quotes, taking out quotes etc. Lately life has been like this to me also. Where are we going Lord? It's a surprise, remember? Just follow Me. I thought I heard You say, "Get a tattoo of a crown and put My name on your hand" (This was about 6 weeks ago) "What?! God, I would love to but Bob hates tattoos, remember?" "Who are you living for?" "I'm living for You, Lord." I thought, "I can do it when I go to California- I'll find out where Jody got hers done."
Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands; [O Zion] your walls are continually before Me. Isaiah 49:16
We are on His hand, now He's on mine
So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him. Psalm 45:11
I already had in mind writing another, "King of Hearts" post. Then something surreal happened to me. It was the "self writing" blog again- I swear it has a mind of it's own! If I have any doubts at all about where God's leading me, He always gives me confirmation! And believe you me- I need it! God, please please please can I stop writing about sex? God said, "No, Susan sex sells remember? So many have problems in this area- you need to write about it." OK OK. Then my next blog post just happened. And I was like......speechless....unbelievable.....Man I couldn't even think up a better temptation (and worse timing?!). It's scary sometimes I think Satan knows me better than I know myself!
So lately I've been screaming at God and Satan.God's OK with it but it probably
pisses Satan off- who cares? I know I'm crazy. I've been going through alot:
Is the unthinkable, unmentionable, UNACCEPTABLE going to happen to me? That
horrible D word? When I was the "Self Righteous Pharisee" I condemned many for it!
When I feel moved by God's Spirit, wanting to say something and I don't know what to
say, I'll lie there on the floor, like I'm having a tantrum and
just scream and pound the floor. Maybe the hubby thinks I have enough emotion for
the both of us? lol Just FYI- I don't do this when anyone's home. What's so cute is, if
my dogs are in the house, they'll come to me (Is that a 'worried' look on their
faces?) as if to say, "Can I pray for you?" I think Jennifer Skiff must have it
right, I haven't read it yet but she wrote a book called, The Divinity of Dogs.
I also am a Baptist (Because YOU CANNOT lose your salvation!) who prays in tongues
*Gasp* (also in the privacy of my home) since hearing Andrew Wommack teach on it.
If we're crazy it is for God....Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes.
His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Paul
2 Corinthians 5:13-14
"Every time you forget that character is one of God's purposes for your life,
you will become frustrated by your circumstances. You'll wonder, 'Why is this
happening to me? Why am I having such a difficult time?' One answer is life is
supposed to be difficult! It's what enables us to grow. Remember, earth is not
heaven!" "The Purpose Driven Life" Rick Warren, Day 22
So some more "bread crumbs" I've been following: Last month I wrote about the Glorious Story and how I wasn't sure how my story was going to end. I put the lyrics from the song, "Let it Go" from the Disney movie, "Frozen". Well, when I was at my Dad's in California this month, we were watching a Sunday morning news show together that my Dad records every week. On the show was Idina Menzel who happens to sing the song, "Let it Go" in that movie, she is the voice of Elsa! Idina is the Ice Queen! Ice Ice baby! I was like OMG! I know who that is! She was in the other Disney movie, I love, "Enchanted" -she was on "Glee" which is one of the shows the girls used to watch every week (Now it's "Bates Motel" and "The Voice"). Then I find out Idina has been and is on Broadway! She was the witch, ELPHABA in, "Wicked" and now is in the production called, "If/Then" . I began listening to her stuff on Youtube and things seemed surreal again!
"Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place."
Idina Menzel, "Stand"
"I can't be afraid, it's my turn to be brave..." Idina Menzel
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!
It's time to try
I think I'll try
And you can't pull me down!
Idina Menzel, Defying Gravity
"You learn to stand alone at last so brave and free and stout...you learn to
live without..." Idina Menzel, If/Then
"Are we always starting over in a brand new story?" Idina Menzel, If/Then
In a previous post I talk about the movie, "Ella Enchanted" where Ella is given the gift of obedience which makes her do whatever anyone tells her to. In the beginning of "Ella Enchanted" Ella doesn't care much for the prince and her step sisters are head over heals for him. Her sister's are active in Prince Char's fan club while in contrast, Ella is on a mission to help all the creatures oppressed by the prince's uncle;
Ella: [during the opening of the mall Ella stands on a planter, holding up a sign] Say no to ogreside!
Areida: Stop the Giant land grab!
So when Ella and the prince run into each other he's very impressed by her "disdain" for him:
Char: Look, l've never stolen anyone's land or livelihood. I want peace in the kingdom as much as anyone.
Ella: So you have a new plan once you take the crown?
Char: Well...Sort of. Of course, l couldn't reveal it to a subject.
Ella: That's what I thought. You're all just the same. You care more about your fan club and your next jousting tournament.
Char:No, actually, l've never been comfortable with the whole adoring fan club thing. Perhaps that's why l find your obvious disdain for me so refreshing.
Ella:Obvious? And l was trying so hard to hide it.
Ella:You're about to become king. You'll have the power to make a difference in the
world, and you don't even care.
Char: It's not like I asked to become king. I have no say in the matter.
Ella: Well thanks to your uncle, there are a lot of people who have no say in the
matter. Nobody should be forced to do things they don't want to do. Take it from
somebody who knows.
So when prince Char's evil uncle finds out about Ella's 'gift" he tells her to kill the prince (who she has ended up falling in love with). So since she's failed at finding the fairy who gave her the gift and she is the only one who can take it back, she gets her elf friend, Slannon to chain her to a tree , in an effort to keep herself from killing her true love.
"What is this cosmic power that chains me to this solemn tree"
To read about how Ella frees herself, go to my February Post
"I want people to know that they don't always have to listen to what others tell them to do"
"When you ask me, who I am: What is my vision? And do I have a plan? Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say? I hear the words in my head, but I push them away." Idina Menzel
Treasure in the unexpectedHas God ever led you to do the unexpected?
It makes the "Pharisees" so mad
Eat with tax collectors and sinners?
Go through Samaria?
Grant grace to an adulteress?
Heal on the Sabbath?
Be friends with the condemned?
Write about sexual temptation?
Get a tattoo?
Confront 'powerful' people?
If you truly follow Him-
You may raise a few eyebrows
But be sure your being persecuted for Him
Not because your compromising with sin.
Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
“Whom shall I send,
And who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” Isaiah 6:8
The Steve Miller Band also sang a song about flying:
But those who wait on the Lord....shall mount up with wings like eagles.....
I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Feed the babies
Who don't have enough to eat
Shoe the children
With no shoes on their feet
House the people
Livin' in the street
Oh, oh, there's a solution
You know the dreaded "auto correct"? Well, once my hubby sent me a text saying,
"Do you want me to set something free?" I almost fainted! YES ME!!!!! No, I didn't
say that but wanted to. He was trying to ask me if I wanted him to pick up
something for Sarah's birthday. But again the irony!
Let it go
It's much too heavy
You know it's holding you down
Holding you back
Oh that I had wings like a dove...
I'd be at peace
Is it love?
Pure as driven snow
Let it go
Harmless as a dove
Flying high above
Set it free
If it comes back to you it's yours
If it doesn't it wasn't meant to be...
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
Blonds have all the fun
They're the 'lucky ones'
Gentlemen prefer them
It seems bad boys prefer me.
Perhaps a different shade of dye is worth a try?
But my cuz says her red hair makes her fly
They look at her, they look at me
If he's a male-
We'll get it for free.
She's got sass
She's got spunk
She knows God don't make junk.
They call me "Red"
A "firecracker" they said
I no longer care what "they" say
What's in my heart can't be taken away
Some day my hair will fade
And I'll let it stay gray
Beauty is vain
But the fire in my heart will burn on and on
To my King I'll sing this song:
His love is deeper than the ocean
He washes away my brokenness
He whispers to my heart
His love for me will never part!
I'm so excited! Click here to buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry" These poems and more are in it!
I love you
I hate you
I'm conflicted yes it's true
"Bi" in Bipolar does mean "two"
Not to make excuses
Mad, Sad, happy, glad
And I write best
When I'm upset
Like my pit bull sweet and true
Watch out she may bite you
She can't help it she's been used and abused
You can see the fear in her eyes
She is also tired of lies
My King is always here
There's no need to fear
In the midst of the battle
when I'm dazed and confused
He always sees me through
And turns this we into a ME
Bizarre things I see, like these, I found in my laundry room when I went in there
to pray. "Free at last" was/is actually Bob's E-Bay name- the feather? I can't
remember where that came from- I think it was for a Halloween costume? For the
first and last time (Poor deprived child!) Claire Bear went "trick or treating"-
she was an Indian.
"My new life starts right NOW" Idina Menzel