Okay, so if I had any doubts when I wrote the first post they were gone when I shared this and then became really bold and shared his twitter address here! I removed that later. He got my whole blog taken down for a week and called me on March 5, 2019! He also took down his Twitter! He had said he didn't accept my follow request because he didn't use it very often, but I had already discovered that wasn't true either! I had for so long wanted him to call me! And it was also so IRONIC because of the Taylor Swift video/song in the first post! He was trying to get me on the phone and "mind twist" me, but the old Susan was already gone and she said, "I don't believe what you say anymore" when he said, "I'll tell you anything"
To see this in a different format see my other blog: Redheaded Writing Hood II
Listen carefully: I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves Matthew 10:16
This is Part 2 of Look What You Made Me Do
What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us? Who shall ever separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So I think my latest blog post Look What You Made Me Do has created a little bit of a stir. Also just me speaking out on my social media too: For example I said recently:
I've been used, neglected, abused and bullied for my entire life. I am so done with Crap! I will NOT tolerate disrespect anymore!
The first negative comment I recieved was disheartening to say the least. She said "Never trust an Arab or an Indian- they don't respect women" Very prejudice and stereotypical, not the point I was trying to make at all! There are plenty of white men who you shouldn't trust and don't respect women either! And plenty of white women who are toxic and negative (and perhaps jealous?) who I don't want to be friends with! I PURPOSELY left the race of the rapist out because of ignorant views such as this. Then I had my sister who accused me of being a hoe (Great way to make amends!). Poor Mohamad blocked me but he may find out soon as that Rock Singer did that I'm NOT the craziest redhead he has to deal with! She stalked us both on Twitter with a fake account she made!
I also PURPOSELY didn't make excuses for my sin but I am explaining it more here, it was not a snap decision but it was wrong and I apologized to Mohamad (Green Card guy) about it, way before I found out the relationship was fake. Then my daughter's mother-in-law said I needed to stand up to the assholes and quit whining about them on facebook. This is how I stand up to assholes: I write the truth about them. The PEN is mightier than the sword! Such compassionate responses to me sharing that I was raped and almost duped into a fake marriage- Thank you so much! I'll say whatever I want on my facebook and blog- noone makes you read it-get your own life and leave me alone! These were precisely the responses that have caused me to fear sharing my stories and the old Susan would have buried them deep and let them eat her alive!
But the old Susan can't come to the phone right now!
Some things happened that caused me to (SUMMON THE COURAGE TO) write that blog post, so let me tell you about that. In that blog post I shared about what happened to me when I tried a dating app in 2017. I didn't realize it was "date rape" until later- I felt I should and would write about it eventually, although I didn't want to. I thought I should wait until my divorce was final which just happened in September of 2018. I would not seek to press charges but I won't be shamed into shutting up either! That was the second man I had sex with! Before that man tricked me into having sex with him I had only been with my husband who is now my ex- husband. And yes I am serious. In the future I may do a whole blog post on shame but for now I'm explaining what lead to me to write Look What You Made Me Do in December.
I felt that the lieutenant who date raped me and green card guy both may have read my blog and/or my social media to get info on how to fool me, I don't know that they did but it is a definite possiblility. Green card guy was here for the month of August and he left September 2nd (He said he went back to his oppressed country but I'm not really sure about anything he said anymore) we kept in touch daily at first but then it tapered off and he had said he'd see me when he returned which he said would be "in a couple months" January then he said possibly in the month of October. I actually broke it off myself in November, when I discovered he came to the US in October but didn't tell me, what I also said to him in that message was that I would never want to be in a marriage where a man has more than one wife, and that what happened between us just happened cause I was there, he would have rather it been the guest of mine he kept going on and on about (or the Chick Fil A girl). And one thing he said made me realize it was fake and it totally broke my heart because he said, It was 'weird' that I thought it a possibility (marriage).
I still don't know which of the things I said to him so offended him because he was never specific but what I think is that he had found another possiblity for a green card or perhaps was getting an internship in another city and was trying to break it off with me without suspicions.
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.......
I really could not figure out why he went on and on about the other guest, not that she isn't very pretty but he wanted to get me to marry him, right? He did start this after I already told him I was in love with him though. But that and our differing religions and lastly the age thing where the three biggest deal breakers for me, other than that, wanting a threesome or going overboard to convince me he was a heterosexual, perhaps? Having been so duped I was understandly upset. Then at the end of November I had a large number of "views" on my blog and it said they were in an "unknown region" so (in my frustration and anger) I temporarily took my blog down. I wanted to do something about green card guy! But what? I even had gone to the police already but they just told me to call imigration- where I was put on hold. I googled it. They want you to report fraudulent marriages not people trying to fool you into one. Also I felt I was perhaps coaxed carefully into sex so that I would be shamed into silence if things didn't work out (And THAT is what THIS POST is about) So in December I decided it was time to write about Charles the date rape and Mohamad the green card guy- yeah that's his name!
And here's his picture......Oops....
Some of my recent Facebook posts:
So my daughter's Monster in law taunted me about him when I wished him a happy birthday on facebook, saying, why don't you just tell us his name, so we all know what an ass he is. That's what the blog post was for. Duh! But his name is Mohamad Okay KIM?
Courage is what it takes to write openly about being duped. This person (Green card Guy) isn't happy about being called out: I just revealed his birthday! I put his photo in my blog post! He's already angry. I said to Amber "If I die you know who it was...." Believe me there's no need to say his name- it may not even be his real name and there are quite a few others with the same name. Not many things I can do. Immigration lets you report fake marriages NOT people trying to fool you into marrying them. So.....I hope it may give others a heads up.
You know what? I’m cynical about what happened with my guy who wanted his green card but I’m also damn proud of myself! Old SUSAN would’ve still been with him! “Sure honey you poor thing let’s get you outta that oppressed country and war zone....” I broke up with him and he was incredible! Adorable and so attentive especially when he was here but it was all fake! Except his handsomeness lol “Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart” God saw his black heart. I prayed! I do it all the time! when he was here: “Lord what the hell is going on!” (Cause I thought it was too good to be true) “Lord can I keep him please please please please!” He answered “I’ll tell you later” and “No I have better things for you”
I have a new Twitter address and I put that word back in my bio: CELIBATE! It says: Single, Sassy, Sexy, Sober, Cynical and Celibate! Spoken Word Poet - Airbnb Superhost
I admited to sinning in that blog post, yes that's what it was, I had premaritial sex. Now I've had sex with three men, this makes me a hoe right? According to my lovely sister it does. I really think the three women who attacked me because of this post are jealous and well I don't blame them! I had a good time! lol but the "sin" part? It was not until the 27th of August! The last week he was here! Because going out to eat, drinking coffee and tea and watching movies was awesome, nothing wrong with that! And I believe he tricked me into it (I will explain- read on) being so valiant, "I'm not going to do that" "That'd just be using you" This man is SMART! He wined and dined me (Nah no wine neither of us drink- another thing I thought made us so compatable- we're both so religious), refilled my continetial breakfast with granola bars, filled my candy dishes, brought me doughnuts and cheese balls (I LOVE carbs!), took me to Chick-Fil-A HE even refilled my bank account when it was overdrawn! What the heck? Lord, What's going on here? He was adorable and sweet and he 's going to be a doctor! Wow! I stole a picture of him off facebook before med school, he's younger, looks like a movie star......I discovered the thing where you write on the picture, I wrote, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. LOL Perhaps I was testing him because he would not get mad at me! So I said what just popped into my head. He was making me manic high, I think now (Hindsight is always 20/20). I said, "Hmmmm I wanted someone younger, taller and richer than my ex, you'll do nicely...." OMG How shallow! And he was fine with me saying this? No, I don't think he was, but he PRETENDED TO BE.
Some of my recent Facebook posts:
The longer I live and more people I meet, the more convinced I am that Jesus is coming soon AND perhaps He's calling me to singleness til then?
Since I was fooled by a fake who I lived with (and was married to) for 30 years, then almost fooled by a man I lived with for a month -do you think I'm going to trust anyone whose online? Nah "Fool me once- shame on you-fool me twice- shame on me" I KNOW at least for NOW. God has called me to singleness. (It may NOT be forever! Idk -but for NOW it's true!)
The upside of having been lied to so much is I don’t need a lie detector test: I usually know when people are lying and even when I don’t immediately realize it (Like with green card guy) God knows and He has my back. It is super dumb to mess with Gods child. Just sayin Don’t mess with Red!
I left it in the coffee machine
On August 10th I actually asked him out! I was donating plasma and messaged him- he declined but we watched "The Girl On The Train" at home- it's so much cozier that way. He wouldn't even sit on the sofa by me which I thought was so respectful at the time.
As long as it has a nice story I guess
On August 11th my GA Tech guy broke my famous shower and that ex fixed it for me and I was still offering him pork (Like a dummy):
You certianly "carpe diem'ed" the day :p
On August 15th I started driving for Lyft and Uber since I didn't land the Chick Fil A job! It was from then on I drove him to the hospital every weekday morning, he always tipped me and noone else ever did! The one he affectionately called "my doctor" would drive him home, mostly but like I said I question all he said and did now, he may have got a Lyft or Uber back home (Red's Airbnb) sometimes, idk?
Shared from my Google feed
From my journal:
I still miss you!
Hey TARS, what's your honesty parameter?
Absolute honesty isn't always the most diplomatic nor the safest form of communication with emotional beings.
Okay, 90 percent it is.
That night we messaged and I just told him in my unique Red way! But he started it! TBH I was having so much FUN! To explain about the room I was in then (I have since changed rooms) it has a little bathroom off it with two doors, the second one's doorknob was broke while I was out of town so I was unable to lock it! (The doorknob was actually removed) And he knew this!
Wish you a good night :)
Very unhealthy way to break a fast though! He walked to the Nuway Weiner but they were closed, so I went to pick him up!
So it was me with three men in the house, then him with three ladies, I called it his harem but he politely let us have our "girl time":
No no not at all
He was killing me! And I was HAPPY. I never in my life came on to a man, there was never a need to! Plus I was always a "good girl", but this was fun and it was innocent fun- until the 27th that is.
Let's guests sleep on the sofa
that night which I knew he was saying in reference to me being BiPolar
I was talking about your emotional stability if it is bipolar or not
I will talk to you tomorrow then
I wore my red dress at Christmas and I never wore it for him......
Then we talked about getting condoms but he also wanted to cover his new text book so we ended up with the code word for condoms as "contact paper". He would say, "don't get the contact paper, lets be good." He was purposely driving me mad! He said it wouldn't be right for us to sleep together and him go back to Saudi cause that'd just be "using you."I told my friend that we seemed to have the same reasoning me "for" (go ahead use me) and him "against" as he was pretending to be so saintly! I couldn't really see this working for long term (That's why I asked him if he wanted kids) he needed a "child bearing wife" but I selfishly wanted him now and told him I'd been through so much and just had two "assholes" my whole life and he should take me on as a charity case. lol (I'm very persuasive huh?) Later I thanked him for taking on my charity case and he sweetly replied, "shut up".
But then we spent two nights sitting up on the sofa! For real! I was throughly enjoying myself. Mohamad was a perfect gentleman, so I thought. He wouldn't even kiss me, which was very disappointing really! We'd sit on the porch for alittle while, come in and sit on the sofa almost til my night shift nurse came in from work at 8:30 am! Then when I'd finally taken my medicine and was getting sleepy, he'd lay his head in my lap! But something weird happened on the the monday after he layed the virgin bombshell on me (Friday) and I pretended not to notice how long he was on the phone with his "friend" but I keep a journal and I wrote: "He was on the phone for three hours!" (I could hear him too but since they spoke in Arabic I didn't know what they were saying) And then I feel he sorta slipped because I didn't like, at all, a question he said his good friend asked him, "Did the MILF rape you yet?" WAIT WHAT? How do you not know what a "Cougar" is but you know what a MILF is? Plus that I would "rape" a man was very offensive to me! I questioned him about how'd he know, that I was a mom, what I looked like ETC. From Airbnb and that he was such a close friend that his fingerprint would open his phone! There were other things too that showed me the dicotomy of Mohamad but hey I'm that way too! We were both about to go against our respective religions. So who am I to judge? I still had my rose clored glasses on too, when he sent me the video of Russell Peters a raunchy Indian comedian.
And it just so happened that we finally did......the day after his three hour phone call! I think now that this "friend" is actually his partner but he was coaching him on how to get me to give in cause if I did I'd be so ashamed I'd keep quiet if it fell through. IDK really, it's all speculation. But it is why I'm sharing this "Kiss and Tell" story. I was upset when I realized it was fake but I also laughed alot. One movie we also watched was "Runaway Bride" LOL I talked about his "child bearing" wife so much he said it was my "signature saying" I had asked him if he wanted children and he said he did but he also was talking about how in Saudi men are allowed to have more than one wife. I said, "Do you agree with that?" He said in certain instances when the first wife couldn't have kids. WHAT? Everyday he'd go to the hospital and I'd go to Google, I remember the day I found out how much the prophet Mohammad loved his first wife who was much older than him! It was all like a fricken set up! Unreal!
I was up all night writing this blog post and I forgot to tell you something!
The day after we actually.....He did not go to the hospital! Which was weird, then we went to the Mexican Restaurant again and he wanted to go back to CVS and he went in and wouldn't tell me what he was getting, not contact paper AKA condoms we had already got those. He got me the HIV test! (I said this in the other blog post) He said he didn't want me to think I thought he thought I was "unclean" so he was going to get it after we had sex or on his last day! Isn't this crazy? It had been a whole year since the rape and I've been donating plasma- so....Was I concerned right after the rape? Of course, but I was not concerned about it any longer. Also interesting to note: He wanted to use the condoms if we did but was back and forth like he wanted to be "good" but wanted to....it was insane what this man put me through! And I believed he was a virgin like he said and I'm 52 and can't get pregnant hadn't had sex in a year and that was the second man I had sex with- we did not need a condom and he acted like he thought I could get pregnant (I just went along with this) but he's a fricken doctor! He knew I couldn't get pregnant! He did not trust me and I should not have trusted him. When he was gone and I thought he might show up in October and ask me to marry him, at that time I would have said, "Yes" So I PRAYED: LORD IF THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE DONT LET HIM SHOW UP NOW because I KNEW how weak I was at that moment, we had bonded over the course of the month and I believe GOD ANSWERED ME! THANK-YOU JESUS!
I think my favorite thing about Taylor's Look What You Made Me Do
video is the way she pokes fun at herself (Not her first time doing this either) with her different personas at the end arguing with each other. I think it's brilliant and Taylor has the last laugh- all the way to the bank!
"Stop acting all nice! You are so fake!" Taylor Swift
Red runs til she’s blue
The Pot and the Kettle
They were the best of friends,
Until that day,
The kettle called the pot black,
The Pot said, Oh I'm so sorry about that!
I'll do better, I know I can
She cooked better and grew hotter
While the Kettle sat and watched
Then the Kettle turned green
She talked behind the Pot's back
Saying how she was so horrible and black
It was time for the Pot to give her the sack
But just like the ball and chain she always took her back
How can the Kettle learn about her lack
If the Pot always enables her like that?
No more buying
No more lying
I'm done trying
All of me is frozen
Forgotten on a shelf
I will no longer let them in
I won't be mad
I won't be sad
If you can beat 'em, join 'em
I've exhausted myself trying to tear down their walls
Now I will build my own
It will be higher, stronger and better than theirs
My Superhost friend escaped from Flo
The fair girls were here for the hurricane too
Cannabis lady and her dog Dude!
They warned me about my beau
Now I say, Thank-you!
Look for these and more poems in
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